Watched September 24, 2012
1983
Starring Reb Brown, Corinne Clery, Luciano Pigozzi and Carole Andre
Even though the cover of the VHS is awesome I was worried that it would be one of those caveman movies that has a lot of slow parts between the action. Boy was I wrong, this movie is action packed and awesome!
It begins with Yor (Reb Brown) prancing through the desert to his theme song. He stumbles upon some forest people just as a Triceratops starts attacking them. Yor is an awesome fighter so he kills the Triceratops. The forest people invite Yor to celebrate and eat the dinosaur. At the feast Yor meets Ka-Laa (Corrine Clery) and they are instantly into each other. Suddenly the less developed blue cave people show up and massacre the forest people, capturing the women and killing all the men and children. Pag (Luciano Pigozzi) and Yor are the only survivors aside from the captured women. Pag and Yor head to the blue people's cave to save Ka-Laa. On the way they are attacked again by the cave people, Pag is captured and Yor is thrown off a cliff. Yor shakes it off and climbs back up the cliff. He then grabs onto a bat and uses it to fly to the blue cave people's cave where he saves Pag and Ka-laa.
Yor has this strange medallion on his neck, and the forest people know of a woman who has the same medallion. Yor, Pag and Ka-laa head off to find that women but then they are captured by sand people in the desert. Yor kills all the sand people and the medallion women explains that there is an island which has the answers that Yor wants. Ka-laa is insanely jealous of the medallion woman and she tries to kill her, but then a blue caveman shows up and actually kills the medallion woman.
Yor, Ka-laa and Pag continue on their adventure and make it to the beach where they save some kids. The beach community rewards them with a boat that they use to get to the island. It turns out the island is the future and all the different cave people are experiments of the Overlord (John Steiner). With the help of the some of the future people, Yor destroys the Overlord and escapes with Ka-laa and Pag in an spaceship to start over.
The wigs are fantastic in this movies, especially Yor's and all the cave kids. Ka-laa just has some amazing hair in general. There are a lot of parts that are directly inspired by Star Wars, but it's still really fun to watch.
Watched September 4, 2012
1997
Starring: Todd Jensen, Samantha Womack, Oliver Tobias and Kadamba Simmons.
I think the best thing about this movie is the VHS copy we watched came in an awesome box where the cover was molded plastic that made it seem like the alien monster was popping out of the box. I didn't really like this movie, even on a campy level. Breeders take place in Boston, or so you're lead to believe. Every sign says Boston something; Boston college, Boston oil refinery, Boston monster haven.
It begins with the worst CGI space title sequence, I know it was 1997 but it was just terrible. It moves from space to a meteorite crashing down on a fictional Boston college. Luckily the rest of the movie doesn't employ much CGI, the alien monster is actually very well made. The meteorite breaks into a bunch of pieces that everyone picks up and make into necklaces. We meet the art history professor Ashley (Todd Jenson) who is apparently super dreamy and his entire class is composed of ladies who want to get with him. One of his students Louise (Samatha Womack) manages to get in his pants.
Meanwhile we discover that the meteorite contained both an alien monster and a sexy space girl (Kadamba Simmons). Ashley sees the space girl and says "You look like one of the new students." The space girl tries to explain her odd connection to the alien monster, but can't seem to get the words out. Everyone who made a meteorite necklace becomes connected to the alien. This includes Louise, but Ashley finds her covered in a goo shell and pulls off the necklace before she is totally controlled by the alien. The Boston police go underground to fight the mysterious alien, they don't really know what they're after at this point. The alien destroys all of the police in a kind of funny and sneaky way. The alien looks like a precursor to the terrible Godzilla from the 1999 American version. A bunch of the female students are drawn down into the tunnels because of their necklaces. They find a girl covered in goo, they eat the goo and then vomit it up on the frozen girl. Ashley and Louise both make it down to the tunnels where they find the space girl. The space girl finally explains what is going on with the alien monster. The space girl is a human who was captured by the alien awhile ago and now she is the alien's egg holder. The alien needs a new egg holder and he's looking at Louise. The tunnels from the school happen to lead to the local oil refinery. They fight the monster and throw him into a pit of oil where he explodes. Everyone else escapes safely.
So all the Boston signs made me think that this movie wasn't made anywhere near Massachusetts. Everyone had pretty good American accents but there were subtle slips into something else. It turns out it was filmed in the UK. I don't know why they decided to set it in the US, it doesn't add anything. Ashley was always wearing a million layers while Louise was in a mini skirt, it confused me to what the weather was actually supposed to be. I don't recommend this movie, it was barely okay.
