Wednesday, January 30, 2013


Watched January 20, 2013

Starring: Jodie Foster, Cherie Currie, Marilyn Kagan, Kandice Stroh, Scott Baio, and Randy Quaid.

I really love teen and coming of age movies so I had seen this at some point but didn't recall anything memorable about it. When the siren song of $1 VHS calls, you pick up a copy. 

 The focus of the film is four teenage girls who supposedly have a lot of crazy things to deal with. Jeanie (Jodie Foster) has to deal with her divorced mother (Sally Kellerman) dating all sorts of losers. Annie (Cherie Currie) is the total mess of the group, her dad's an intense cop and she really likes to drink and take all sorts of drugs. Madge (Marilyn Kagan) is a slightly chubby virgin, but she just wants to meet a nice guy.  Deirdre (Kandice Stroh) likes to date a lot of guys, I guess.

This movie is so slow. It seems like the smog in LA in the late 1970's permeated into the interior of homes. The whole look of the film is constantly hazy and harvest gold colored.

Annie is constantly running away from her parents because they want to send her to an institution, she does seem to have a pretty serious alcohol/pill problem. Jeanie is the mother hen trying to keep everyone together. Most of the movie shows the girls trying to have fun then Annie totally messing it up then running away. The girls then have to find Annie, most likely in the arms of some older asshole.

I guess it's supposed to be shocking that these girls have sex, drink and go to parties but it really doesn't seem like that big of deal to me. Madge's mom is super cool and let's her throw a party at their family's home, she even buys a keg for the party. Madge comes in and says that all her friends drink hard liquor so getting a keg was stupid. She then tells her mom she's virgin and runs crying to her room, canceling the party for no apparent reason.  Later on Madge meets older man Randy Quaid who she loses her virginity to.

Randy Quaid goes out of town and let's Madge stay at his swinging bachelor pad. The girls throw a fancy dinner party, because that's the type of party most 16 year olds love to throw. Their younger friend Scott Baio is there, he's always trying to make it with Annie, it's pretty cute. Their party is crashed by a ton of people including a very young Laura Dern looking adorable in huge glasses.  It gets out of control and a bunch of dudes seriously trash the place. The girls make no attempt to clean up and Randy Quaid comes home to Madge sitting in the rubble. They get in a fight and she tells him they'll all get jobs to pay for the mess.

Meanwhile, after the party, all the girls were at the police station and Annie's dad came to get her. Her family sent her to an institution after all. She manages to escape, but ends up totally pilled up in some dude's car. Jeanie and the girls go get her at a drive-in. Jeanie and Scott Baio take her out to the woods to walk off her drugs. The cops find them and Annie runs off. She hitchhikes on the freeway and a drunk swinging couple pick her up. Then the driver smashes into a parked semi-truck. Good riddance Annie! She was ruining all her friend's lives. It then cuts from her death to Madge and Randy Quaid getting married! 

This movie is a mess, the only reason that it's still on the radar is that it's filled with star power.  The girls never really seem to be having fun and for the most part they get to do whatever they want.  I feel like maybe it was a lot longer and they had to cut a short version and had to cut out most of the plot. I was glad when Annie died, because you never see her being a good or fun friend.

Not worth watching, it's so painfully slow with all these random scenes that don't move the story along. The fashion and haircuts are pretty fun though.

Wednesday, January 23, 2013

Witchcraft III: The Kiss of Death

Watched January 16, 2012

1991 (direct to video and it shows)

Starring: Charles Solomon, Lisa Toothman, William J. Baker, and Leana Hall

I haven't see any of the previous Witchcraft movies and now that I've watched one I'm not planning on seeing any of the 10 that came after.  

William Spanner (Charles Solomon) is a lawyer working trying to prove the innocence of a kid who slept with an older woman who later turned up dead. He is dating Charlotte (Lisa Toothman) a large breasted fashion designer who just sold 50 pieces to Nordstrom!  Enter Louis (Domonic Luciana) a good looking dude (or demon?) who seduces women to steal their soul/essence and then brings it home to his lover Roxy (Leana Hall.)

William Spanner comes home and begins making out with Charlotte but he notices that she is wearing a necklace of a pentagram that belonged to his deceased mother.  He freaks out that she found it and put it on because it reminds him of his witchy heritage. William randomly meets Louis at a bar where they both try to pick up the same woman.  Louis walks this woman home and sucks out her soul.  Later as William and Louis become better friends,  Louis tries to seduce Charlotte and it almost works but William runs in just as they are kissing.

Meanwhile working on his case, William meets Reverend Jondular (William J. Baker) who mostly seems like a witch doctor.  Reverend Jondular feels some special presence in William and tries to convince him to embrace it. 

William has a freaky dream where Charlotte is having sex with Louis in the shower and he knows that Louis is a bad guy. William tries to protect Charlotte by hiding her away but Louis really wants her for some reason. At some point Reverend Jondular dies and leaves William his magic staff. William uses the magic staff to beat the crap out of Louis, as it's the only thing that will defeat him.  After beating up Louis and burying his body, they think that they've won, but Louis pops out of his grave. William breaks the staff in half and stabs Louis through the heart, finally destroying the demon.

The best part, in my opinion, is when Charlotte first meets Louis she is having a fashion shoot at her house. When the models wearing her clothes are shown they are wearing some of the ugliest outfits I've ever seen. All they are is piles of lace and ruffles, and I'm surprised that anyone bought anything she designed.

The special effects are pretty good for the early '90's but for a movie entitled witchcraft there is very little magic happening. William doesn't do any spells he just manages to use the staff that was given to him.  Maybe this is a sequel that involves seeing the previous movies because I was somewhat confused on what the deal with Louis was. Also William has a hilarious California/ surfer Nic Cage accent that really ruins his credibility as a lawyer. 

Friday, January 18, 2013

Spice Girls British Invasion Unauthorized & Spicy

Watched January 15, 2013

1997 video

Starring: Sheldon James and a bunch of young tourists around Piccadilly Circus.

This is a great example of trying to capitalize on a trend and failing miserably. Maybe this movie made some money,  I wouldn't be surprised as the Spice Girls were incredibly popular in the late 1990's. Since this is unauthorized they cannot use any of the Spice Girls music. There is a snippet of a midi version of Wannabe at one point, that's the closest you get to hearing any of their music. They also don't have access to any footage of them that isn't already in the public domain. So you mostly get still images of the Girls as well as reoccurring footage of them meeting Prince Charles.

The main premise of the this "documentary" is Sheldon James (not anyone you should have heard of) going to Piccadilly Circus and talking to young people there.  Most people say the they don't like the Spice Girls or they don't speak much English.  He also tries to talk to adults who all say they don't listen to the Girls and they are just another trendy pop band. Whenever a guy is interviewed a text overlay of "spicy guy" pops up. There are also empty locations where the Girls supposedly were at some point and a text overlay of "spicy sighting" appears. We are shown a shoe store where the Girls have bought some of their signature platform sneakers. All this is interspersed with vague details about the Girls personal lives, for the most part they all were dancers in men's clubs before they became superstars.

**Spoiler** So you kind of think they might show some new footage of the Spice Girls by the end of the video but instead you get a bunch of Spice Girls drag queens. It's pretty much the greatest thing ever, and I'm sure this is just what little girls wanted when they got this video. I had recently watched a Backstreet Boys fan video that actually showed all the boys behind the scenes and it was terrible and hard to watch.  This video turned out to be much more enjoyable since it's a huge disaster.  I can easily see a mom buying this video for her daughter back in 1997 and the kid being horrified when the big finale is a bunch of drag queens, not her favorite pop group.

This is such a strange video I tried to find out more about it. It doesn't exist on IMDB, but it is available on Amazon. For the most part the reviews are for Spiceworld,  so I couldn't find any upset girls who watched this expecting to see something about their favorite band.