Wednesday, September 28, 2016

Ghoulies 3: Ghoulies go to college

Watched May 18, 2016

Starring: Evan MacKenzie, Kevin McCarthy, Eva LaRue, Patrick Labyorteaux

Ghoulies AKA Comic Book Toilet Demons

This falls into the comedy horror camp, except this one is more just T&A as there are supposed deaths but very little blood. So anyone who was killed could in theory still be alive. There are some awesomely terrible puns which I enjoyed such as a young party goer has a deer head fall onto her head and someone says "What is this a Stag party?" Oh yeah, of course she's topless too.

I haven't seen any of the other Ghoulies movies, but boy have I looked at the poster/cover of a bunch of toilet demons many times. This movie takes place 21 years after the first (and second?) At a college where two frats are taking part in Prank Week. They pull pranks on each other all week long until one emerges victorious and gets to wear the official prank hat. Yes, college is dumb.

In the bathroom of the slob frat, Mookey (Patrick Labyorteaux) finds a comic book in the wall. This bathroom is incredibly disgusting, even for frat standards. He starts to read the comic out loud and it begins to summon the ghoulies, but he doesn't finish the incantation, so the Ghoulies remain trapped in the toilet. Mookey takes the comic to his Mythology class, where Professor Ragnar (Kevin McCarthy) finds and confiscates it. Professor Ragnar hate the prank week as he is often the victim. Looking at the comic book, the images remind him of some mythological demons. He finishes reading the comic book aloud and the Ghoulies are summoned. They now only do the bidding of Prof. Ragnar, and he wants the Ghoulies to stop the frats. The Ghoulies: Rat, Cat, and Frog with abs make it to the Slob frat just after they have all left. The Ghoulies fall into a pile of clothes, so now they look just like college students, except they are a tiny Cat, Rat and Frog demons. They get super drunk. Then they really escalate the prank war. They blow up the campus security guard's little truck with him inside.

The side story adding to the frat war is the slob frat member Skip (Evan MacKenzie) used to date Erin (Eva LaRue) but now she is somewhat interested in the Snob frat member Jeremy (John R. Johnston). Erin eventually figures out she wants to be with Skip, but then the Ghoulies kidnap her. Prof. Ragnar goes totally nuts with the Ghoulies power, but Skip saves Erin and banishes the Professor to the toilet. Prof. Ragnar comes back for one last battle with a face on his stomach, he is  now the super ghoulie depicted in the comic. But Skip throws the comic into the toilet and that destroys the demon Professor.

Lots of boobs, some weird goofy deaths like a lady taking a plunger to the face. It's not great, but I've seen far worse. Still pretty enjoyable considering I haven't seen any of the previous toilet demon movies.

Saturday, September 17, 2016

Snake Island

Watched April 22, 2016

Starring: William Katt, Wayne Crawford, Kate Connor, Dawn Matthews

As the opening credits roll it's clear that this movie is a Crawford joint for sure, as Wayne Crawford is the writer, director and star of Snake Island. Another animal attack movie from the early 2000s (see Octopus 2), while this one isn't great it's a whole lot better than Python 2. I've said it many times before but even the worst practical effects hold up better than CGI to the test of time.

In South Africa, a group of tourists are on a riverboat cruise of sorts. I'm not sure where they are headed as it's a ragtag group. The party consists of a couple on their honeymoon, a single white lady, a black lady that is a local, a PH:Professional Hunter, the captain of the boat, a waitress for the boat and another guide. And a writer who specifically wants to stop at Snake Island because he is writing a book about it. The boat stops at Snake Island to drop off the writer, but the Captain also has some supplies to drop off for their friends. Half the group goes gets off on Snake Island, while the other half stays on the boat. The island is suspiciously empty. Back at the boat, a single snake gets onto the boat, they all freak out and in trying to kill it, a hole is created in the boat's gas tank. This means everyone has to get off at Snake Island until they can fix the boat. Snake Island at one point was a resort destination, there are multiple rooms for all the people to stay in. It's still unknown what happened to the people who where supposed to be on the island but it seems like they may have been breeding snakes.

The whole gang gathers that night around the campfire, and luckily one of the ladies brought some cool cd's and they all have a dance party. Some of the ladies even get topless for no reason at all. Even a snake joins in the dancing! A couple sneaks off to the pool and has sex, when they come back everyone has gone to bed. This is when the snakes start to kill. 

The honeymoon couple gets killed, then the single black lady gets snake strangled right outside the shower. But the shower curtain has a great Snake Island Resort logo printed on it.There is a point when one of the snakes calls a lady a bitch, which is nuts. Everyone gets killed by snakes except for the writer and the white lady. They manage to escape across the island on a riding lawnmower. They make back to the boat or another boat...the plot points didn't totally stick with me and I'm writing this several months after I watched it.

It's not great but the choice of live snakes, snake puppets and CGI does work for the most part. It doesn't make any sense why these snakes hate humans but just go with it. They do have a sense of humor about the movie since they added a snake dancing and a snake calling a lady a bitch, which is nuts. It still isn't bad enough or good enough to recommend though.

Sunday, July 3, 2016

Terrible Movie Nights issue 5

Alright! I finished another issue of my zine. It took me awhile to get this one together because I had a baby, which has me slowing down on watching movies in general, but I watch them when I can. If you're a Jill Schoelen fan, there are two of her movies in here: Popcorn and Cutting Class. I just watched Rich Girl too, so she seems to be unintentionally popping up lately. You can order a copy in the store.

Monday, April 11, 2016


Watched January 12, 2016

Starring: Loni Anderson, Andrew Stevens, Jamie McEnnan, Jennifer Love Hewitt

I'm sure I said this when I watched Nukie, but I have a hard time with kid's creature movies, especially the really bad ones. Even while making fun of them I find little to enjoy because it has to be family friendly.

This is a super weird sequel to Munchies, a movie I haven't seen but seems like a Gremlins rip off. The original munchies don't seem to look like the Munchie in this movie, so a fair amount of artistic license seems to have been taken. This is such a weird kids movie

In the 1970s, a man throws Munchie locked in a trunk down a bottomless pit, I guess Munchie is the worst. Jump to the early 1990s, Gage (Jamie McEnnan) is a strange little kid, with an active imagination but not many friends. His mom (Loni Anderson) is dating a guy he hates, Dr. Elliot Carlisle (Andrew Stevens.) So Gage is having a rough time of life, he does have one friend Professor Cruikshank (Arte Johnson) who seems to be an archeologist. Since Gage doesn't have friends, he spends a lot of time alone, while wandering around he finds an abandoned mine. There he finds a locked trunk and out pops Munchie! (Voiced by Don Delouise!)

Munchie is instantly Gage's friend and he tries to help Gage make more friends. Munchie has some random weird powers, like the ability to make a pizza fly from the shop to Gage's room. Munchie embarasses Gage's principal, I guess because the principal has been hard on Gage. After some other random events, Munchie throws a party for Gage. Gage is about 10 years old, but this party would have been more appropriate for a teen or older because the only kid that is invited is Gage's crush Andrea (Jennifer Love Hewitt.) Everyone else at the party is an adult, some are dressed in costumes, but there is a keg of beer and a live band. Gage's mom comes back early from her date with Dr. Carlisle to find the party. Dr. Carlisle discovers Munchie and wants to do experiments on him. Gage gets Professor Cruikshank and together the save Munchie from Dr. Carlisle, then Munchie decides to join Prof. Cruikshank on his next archeological adventure. 

To be honest I couldn't remember most of the plot, so I had to look up some other people's summaries to jog my memory. It all just seemed like a blur of Munchie changing outfits and making life terrible for Gage. I don't see why is Loni Anderson appealing as the mom, the future step dad, Dr. Carlisle is the worst too. The motors that work Munchie's face don't seem to work, he should have been a puppet that actually looked like he's talking instead of crazy servos going nuts. Munchie is pretty hard to look at and unbearable as a character, he doesn't seem to help Gage at all, and Gage is pretty unappealing too. But I guess they made a sequel to this sequel, which I will not be watching.

Wednesday, February 17, 2016


Watched January 10, 2016

Starring: Mario Van Peebles, Eriq La Salle, Tazia Valenza, Leo O'Brien

I just watched the documentary Electric Boogaloo about the Cannon production company, and forgot that I had added Rappin'  to my netflix dvd queue a long time ago. Breakin' pretty much sums up how the Cannon system worked: get an idea that people are excited about, sell it based on a poster, not a script, then make up the movie as you shoot it.

Rappin' came out after Breakin' but is trying to capitalize on the same movement. John "Rappin'" Hood (Mario Van Peebles) is just out of jail for something and he comes back to his old neighborhood, which is very run down. He lives with his grandma and his younger brother Allan (Leo O'Brien), who at first seems like a very good kid, but it will come out of nowhere that he has some problems. At the local dance club John runs into the main white asshole, Duane (Charlie Flohe) who is dating Dixie (Tazia Valenza), a girl that John likes but never officially dated. I don't know why Duane hates John but he makes it very clear he is not happy that John is back in the neighborhood.

An evil developer, is trying to push everyone out of the neighborhood so he build something more profitable, I can't remember exactly what.  The developer sends his lackey to try to evict everyone, plus he gets the heat turned off which seems super illegal to the tenants. 

Dixie is an assistant at a local recording studio. With her boss they hold an audition for local rap talent. Dixie really thinks John has some talent, so they get him to audition and he's supposedly really great. He has been rappin' all throughout the movie but it's pretty raw, but I guess he's got a lot of talent.

Out of nowhere, Allan steals the stereo of the lackey trying to evict everyone and sells it to the local shady pawn guy. John doesn't want his brother to end up in juvenile detention so he tells the lackey says he'll get the stereo back, so the lackey won't press charges.  The lackey then pays the evil white gang, lead by Duane a bunch of money to threaten everyone in the neighborhood to leave.

John is so talented that the music producer pays him to come audition.  John needs the money to buy the stereo from the pawn shop. By the time he gets back to the pawn shop, the stereo is gone and Allan is already in juvenile detention. John threatens the lackey, who didn't get Allan arrested, it was actually Duane. John figures out what has Duane is behind all the neighborhood intimidation so their gangs get into a fight. John and his friends win, and somehow the developer isn't able to take over the neighborhood, again the details don't make a ton of sense in a movie that is mostly just a vehicle to have some rap songs.

The end credits are the best because everyone raps, and I mean everyone including Dixie. There is a crazy scene where the local slutty lady pretends to seduce the oil truck driver while John and his friends steal it and give heating oil to all their neighbors. One of John's friends works in a produce warehouse which is just an opportunity for John's gang to rap about their fat friend Fats having a snack attack. The rapping is terrible even if Ice-T is in it. The plot doesn't make much sense, if that isn't obvious by how many details I've quickly forgotten. The outfits are pretty cool though, Dixie wears some giant sweaters.