Boardinghouse

Watched March 11, 2013

1982
Starring: John Wintergate, Kalassu, Lindsay Freeman

Once the movie begins you know by the title credits that it isn't going to be good. If you don't have enough money for decent titles, you don't have enough money to make a movie. The plot is somewhat explained as typed words on a screen in a police station. Also it was obviously shot on video, the quality reminded me of the movies I used to make on video in high school. Later I found out that this movie has the distinction of being the first movie shot on video then transferred to film. 

The plot exists somewhat, but it takes some leaps to pull it all together. Jim Royce (John Wintergate) inherits a house from his deceased uncle. Years earlier many people had been mysteriously killed in the house. Jim is an unattractive human being (to me anyway), but he's got a plan. He puts out a classified listing to rent out rooms in the house, but only to hot chicks ages 21-26. Somehow this works, he gets a ton of chicks to move in with him.  They all just hang out in crazy swimsuits by the pool. There's a strange hobo gardener who hobbles around the house and works on things. I'm not sure if he is supposed to be the red herring to the real killer. Jim also has the power to move things with his mind. Jim works in some data management job but he has a hilarious drunk friend who tries to inject some comedy into the film, because drunks are always funny. Weird stuff happens at the house, like one of the girls, while in the dirtiest shower I've seen on film, sees blood coming out of the wall, then sees herself as a pig face demon. Another girl moved in to escape her rapist fiance, but the fiance finds her and tries to get to leave the house with him. Instead the girl goes to the beach with Jim, where they make out until Jim gets knocked unconscious, she just starts bleeding everywhere then drowns herself in the ocean. Jim doesn't seem to question it, he just goes back home. All the ladies throw a big housewarming party, but the party happens to be on the same night that people were killed before.  Things go nuts, everyone starts dying. It turns out the killer is one of the weirdest girls, who was actually our favorite character. I guess she escaped from an asylum, but the house also has something to do with it, I think.

Yes, there are lots of boobs. Including the scene where the girls is in the shower and she pushes her boob hilariously against the shower door a bunch, in fear of course. Since it was the '80's the swimsuits, hairstyles and outfits are all great. Jim is so unattractive I cannot understand that any of these women would ever want to sleep with him. There is also a scene where everyone throws pies in each other faces. Also when a band comes over to rehearse the girls grab one of the dudes, pants him, squeeze his butt and push him in the pool.

Apparently they thought this movie was scary, so they put a dark shadow over the screen as a warning when scary stuff was going to happen. It looks so terrible. Most of the "actors" in this movie never made another movie. It's mess, there are really longs parts where nothing really happens. There is no concept of time, it could be minutes or weeks that this whole thing takes place. Definitely skip this one.