Watched April 13, 2015
1973
Starring: Paul Naschy, Fabiola Falcon, Mariano Vidal Medina, Martiza Olivares
The VHS tape we watched broke about halfway through so I though that curse of the devil is pretty strong. It made a crazy noise in the VCR and it just wouldn't continue, I've never had a tape do what this one did. Luckily this movie is available in its entirety on Youtube and it's a much better version than the copy that broke.
It begins in Medieval times where two knights are having a duel. Some witches are watching them fight. One of the knights is killed, and the main witch swears vengeance for his death. That night the coven of witches perform a ritual and drain the blood of one of the men into a cup. They are interrupted and killed before they can finish the rite, but before the main witch dies she mutters a curse.
Jump to the mid 1800's, (that's my guess anyway). A new generation of witches who are descendents of the original and have the same vendetta. They have another ceremony and transfer the curse of the werewolf to Waldemar (Paul Naschy) a local nobleman, who happens to be a descendent of the original knight. The witches transfer the curse by indoctrinating a local woman, she is then abandoned on the street. Waldemar finds the woman and takes her into his palace. He then sleeps with her and she uses the special wolf skull to give him the werewolf curse. Coincidentally there is a crazy man that has been killing random people and it's made everyone be on high alert.
A Professor and his family come to visit from Budapest. Valdemar starts courting the oldest daughter Kinga (Fabiola Falcon) and they jump in the sack right away. Kinga's younger sister Maria (Martiza Olivares) tries to seduce Waldemar but he instead turns into a werewolf and kills her. The Pofessor's family and local law enforcement want to catch the killer. Kinga is given advice from Waldemar's housekeeper that he is now a werewolf and they only way to kill him is with a dagger to the heart. A mob gathers chasing Waldemar around, but Kinga gets to him first and manages to stab in his the heart. The curse of the werewolf is over, but then we find out that Kinga was pregnant with Waldemar's baby. Jump to the future and she has a half werewolf son.
I would give Witches and Werewolves as an alternate title to this movie, the devil doesn't make an appearance. Originally in Spanish, it's dubbed in English but it works fine. It's slow and strange in the classic low budge '70s way. The blood is a bright, creamy red. But there are some great werewolf kill scenes and the werewolf costume is pretty fun.
Watched April 6, 2015
2001
Starring: Rodney Rowland, Kevin Patrick Walls, Brad Dourif, Tommy 'Tiny' Lister.
Yet another movie with a lenticular VHS box cover that has been passed over for months. I finally got it back on the list and somehow it was picked. I had low expectations and unexpectedly they paid off.
A mysterious group wearing dark robes in engaged in a secret ceremony. They are trying to transfer a soul into a specific body. A member of the group is randomly chosen and is pushed onto the altar where a special stone is placed on his chest. The stone is carved with a symbol that beings to move and change. The soul power descends into the sacrifice but it kills him and all the participants of the ritual.
Corey (Rodney Rowland) and Terrence (Kevin Patrick Walls) are two small time thieves. They are at a museum of the civil war during a battle reenactment. They are both dressed as Abraham Lincoln, Corey is reciting a speech to distract the tour group while Terrence tries to break into a case. They botch the job and are chased out of the museum with the guard hot on their trail.
At their local watering hole, they are bemoaning their loss and how terrible they are at their job. Two attractive ladies are staring them down, so they go over to try to hit on them. The women are very robotic and strange, but the guys don't care and they follow the ladies to a strange house. The women disappear as Corey and Terrence enter the house. Inside they find Pascal (Brad Dourif) who wants them to do a job for him. He tells them to go to a graveyard and find a specific coffin. They take the job as it pays pretty well, but the specifics of their task are unclear.
In the spooky cemetery they find the right grave and open the tomb of FF. Inside is a skeleton but there is a strange metal canister in its neck. They open the canister to find a bunch of newspaper clippings. They take these clippings to Chad (Tommy 'Tiny' Lister) who has a perfect penis (!?) and a bunch of computers to try to figure out what the clippings mean.
The next stop is a sex club. Everyone in the club looks very uncomfortable, they are all rubbing each other and eating different fruits that turns to blood. Corey finds a lady he likes and they go have sex in a private room. Terrence ends up with a curly haired brunette who turns
into Deborah Gibson while going down on him, then into his mother. He
freaks out, finds Corey and they run away. They run into the soul sucking monster called Magus but manage to escape.
Continuing their search for who knows what exactly, they enter a cave and find that FF has been soul incarnated as a 12-year-old boy surrounded by hot chicks. The boy tries to explain the cult, the demon and how souls figure into it, but it's still unclear. The boy gives them some groovy clothes, as they had to walk through a sewer to find the cave. He leads them out of the cave.
Now they have on cool '70s bell bottoms, but they still don't know what they're looking for, or I just never knew. They run into another mysterious guys who explains what needs to happen next. He lets them know about the soul stone and the demon that is trying to possess it. He tells them that the Magus monster is attracted to sin, so they have to go to church to confess all their sins and boy do they have a lot. After they are cleaned from their sins they can sneak up on the monster. They suit up in some crazy gear and head to the castle where a new group of cult members is trying to resurrect the stone's power. They make it to the castle but Corey's use the lord's name in vain, so the monster comes after them. The cult member's use Corey's body in the soul ceremony, but it doesn't work because he channeled his soul power himself. They fight with the cult guys and get out of the castle to fight the monster one on one. Terrence jumps on the monster and uses his bomb to blow them both up, only Corey escapes alive.
During the movie Corey described his dream woman: red hair, glasses, big boobs, smart but really into cars. At a gas station where his bus stops Corey is buying something when his dream woman walks in. Her wigs is really fake, but through some happenstance she offers him a ride in her sports car, so off they ride to fall in love.
I enjoyed it! The comedy bits worked, which is rare in a horror comedy. A lot of stuff didn't make sense but it was still silly and fun.
Watched April 3, 2015
1987
Starring: Mike Lackey, Mark Sferrazza, Jane Arakawa
Whoa! I did not know what I was in for when I randomly chose to watch Street Trash. As someone that watches a lot of low quality movies, I first figured that this was just lumped into the horror category. But that still didn't seem to fit and I still had a hard time describing the movie. After reading into the history of the movie, it helped me categorize the movie which is trying to offend everyone. I'd put it into an offensive exploitation category. I didn't even know the melt category of movie existed, but that is apparently what this movie is too. Street Trash could not be a better title or more literal for this movie. It wants to offend everyone.
Homeless alcoholic Fred (Mike Lackey) lives in junkyard, in a room build from cars and tires with his younger brother Kevin (Mark Sferrazza). They have lots of friends on the Brooklyn streets who are also homeless alcoholics. It kicks off with Fred stealing some booze from the local liquor store and being chased around. While being chased he steals some money from another bum but loses most of it when he has to hide in a garbage truck that almost crushes him. He loses the stolen booze and most of the money he stole, leaving him with a single dollar.
The junkyard is run by an obese guy and his assistant Wendy (Jane Arakawa) who actually does all the work. Wendy is friends with Kevin and tries to help him out with food and work sometimes. Mostly she helps out by making sure the cops aren't called on them. The junkyard is actually controlled by crazy Vietnam vet, Bronson (Vic Noto). All the bums have to pay Bronson in cash or booze. He has a lady that he treats like shit and she is rough looking even by homeless standards, at least all the guys have clothes.
The local liquor store owner unearths an old case of Tenafly Viper, a mysterious booze, and puts it on sale for $1 a bottle. Since it's the cheapest drink around, the local homeless population starts buying it. But as soon as you drink it, it melts, explodes and completely destroys your body.
The local cops, who are the worst, find the first man melted by Viper and start investigating what could have done this. The lead detective, Bill (Bill Chepil) immediately suspects the homeless population, since he hates all of them.
Fred meets a lady vomiting in an alley outside a restaurant and she's so drunk she thinks Fred is her boyfriend. Fred takes her back to his junkyard tire shack and they have somewhat consensual sex. The sounds of them having sex lure all the other homeless perverts to watch. After Fred is done he pushes the woman away, all the other men grab the woman. They drag her off screen, gang rape and kill her. She is found on the side of the river later by the junkyard owner, who then rapes her corpse.
It turns out her boyfriend was a mobster and he takes it into his own hands to stop the guys who killed his girlfriend. Bill the cop goes to confront Bronson,who is convinced knows how the homeless men are melting. They get into a brawl but Bronson stabs the cop in the back with his carved femur shiv then chokes him to death. Bronson has his cronies to bury the body and they happen bring him some Viper in tribute. Bronson's girlfriend grabs the booze first and takes a swig, she immediately melts into disgusting goo.
Bronson thinks that Kevin is responsible for the death of his girlfriend. At that moment Kevin happens to be about to have sex with Wendy. (They never kiss, she just kisses his belly, it's totally weird.) Bronson chases Kevin around the junkyard storage building for awhile but Kevin manages to escape being murdered. Fred shows up and throws some Viper onto Bronson's face, melting a portion of it. Bronson is about to kill Fred when Kevin lights a gas canister that shoots through the air and decapitates Bronson.
This movie it nuts. It's interesting having homeless people as the main characters as it doesn't glamorize it at all. The melt special effects are great and disgusting. There is an extended scene where Bronson rips off a guy's dick and they all play hot potato with it around the junkyard. I can't say that I liked all of it since I haven't completely been desensitized...yet.
Watched March 23, 2015
1996
Starring: Josh Charles, Rutger Hauer, Andrea Roth
Joe (Josh Charles) is an art major in college who lives in a pretty nice studio apartment above a garage. After a long day, he comes home to his friends, Steve (Jack Black) and Stu (Richard McGregor) who convince him to go to a hump day party. Joe has recently broken up with his girlfriend and his friends want to help him get over her by making a party love connection. Joe notices a mysterious woman at the party but when he gets closer she disappears. He leaves the party and goes to bed. As he is sleeping, the mystery woman Laura (Andrea Roth) approached him and tries to steal his crystal pendant from around his neck. Joe wakes up before she can take the necklace. Laura quickly tries to explain her being there but they are shot at repeatedly. They manage to make it out of the apartment and get into Joe's car to flee the gunmen.
Laura brings Joe to A.T. ( Rutger Hauer) who explains that his crystal is just one part of a key to open up alternate worlds. Some bad guys want to get the necklace because they want to control the passages to the alternate worlds. They need to find the other part of the key, which is a scepter. The staff turns out to be in a museum. Laura, Joe and A.T. enter the museum and meet the curator. They manages to break open the case and steal the scepter then use it to transport away. They end up in the ocean, still in LA, but they steal a car. A.T. brings them to the desert and starts the ritual to use the crystal and staff key. They are brought to the middle gateway, which is just a red filtered desert. They are attacked there and Joe loses the connection.
Joe wakes up in his bed, his room looks fine, there is no evidence of the gunfire from the previous night. A knock on the door from from the police and Joe is taken to jail. Joe's mom bails him out of jail, but she doesn't answer any questions about Joe's dad who is the one that found the scepter originally. Back at his apartment, Joe is then spooked by a short guy in a suit. It seems like the guy will help him, but then he is shot and Joe manages to escape. He goes to A.T.'s but when he opens the door it's not his studio, it's a small apartment. He figures out that he has to walk a specific way to open the correct door to A.T. Once inside the small man turns out be alive and part of the bad guys. They tricked Joe into leading them there. A.T. and Joe are kidnapped. Laura was already kidnapped and Joe joins her in an attic room.
The main bad guy questions A.T. in his office. The bad guy has the crystal now but somehow A.T. manages to get it and escapes before the dog statues turn into real dogs. A.T., Joe and Laura all escape into the elevator but it disappears I guess the bad guy can manipulate reality to some extent.
They all make it transitional middle world where there is a big fight. The bad guy seems like a hologram, nothing can hurt him. Eventually Joe connects to his dad's force and figures out hot to use the staff to kill the bag guy. At the end they make it to Laura's world, which looks the same as Earth.
For being called Crossworlds, they don't go to another world until the very end. They use the staff's power to jump around LA. It's mostly is just a lot of running around, the power of the staff and crystal aren't explained well. My favorite characters were the extras. There are two cool surfers dudes that are at the beach for a second before the main characters steal their car. At another point they car jack another awesome dudes car. I would have much rather seen what those guys were up to while all the other action was taking place. The bad guys does turn his henchman into digital spaghetti which is pretty neat. The couple of fun things aren't worth it, it just doesn't deliver on the premise of multiple worlds.
Watched March 16, 2015
1996
Starring: Robert John Burke, Joe Mantegna, Lucinda Jenney, Michael Constantine
Billy Halleck (Robert John Burke) is a fat lawyer who gets a mobster acquitted for a crime. He does such a good job that the mobster, Richie (Joe Mategna) says he's owes him a favor for being such a good lawyer. Billy lives with his wife Heidi (Lucinda Jenney) and daughter Linda (Bethany Joy Lenz) in a small town in New England.
A caravan of Gypsies arrive in town and set up an impromptu carnival. Billy and a coworker make lewd comments about one of the Gypsy women, but she is out of earshot. She does hear them somehow and flips off Billy when she sees him leaving his office. The local police ask the Gypsies to move on. That night, Billy is driving home from dinner all while getting a blow job from his wife when he hits an old Gypsy woman. The woman's father, Tadzu (Michael Constantine) is the leader of the Gypsies and he is very distraught over the death of his daughter. The woman was very old, but Tadzu looks pretty old too but not old enough to have an elderly daughter.
Since Billy knows the local law enforcement and is a lawyer he is acquitted with no wrong doing for the murder. After the hearing, Tadzu brushes his hand across Billy's face and says "thinner." Billy has already been on a diet with the help of his wife who uses a computer spread sheet to note his progress. Billy at his heaviest is 300 pounds but he starts rapidly losing weight. He quits his diet and is eating nonstop. He loses so much weight so quickly, his wife is concerned it may be
cancer, so he goes to see a specialist. He's stuffing his face with 12,000 calories a day and
still losing considerable weight.
Billy checks in with the judge and the police officer who were at his vehicular homicide hearing to see if they've been effected by a Gypsy curse too. Billy goes to the judge's house, his wife is drinking heavily and says that he's out of town. With some prying, Billy finds out he has a clinic because his skin has been turning into lizard paper. He then goes to the police officer, it's dark but Billy can see that he has some strange growth that has taken over half of his body. As Billy exits his house he hears a gunshot go off, the office has just committed suicide.
Billy tells his wife he's going back to the clinic to figure out his dramatic weight loss but instead tries to track down the Gypsies. He finds them and demands that the curse be lifted but Tadzu says no. He then turns it around and says that the White Man from Town curses them. They all laugh, since they think he doesn't have any power. But he does have a favor from a mafia man.
Billy rents out a little cottage near the water and gets in touch with Richie. He explains to Richie was has been going on and Richie gets to work. First Richie poisons all the Gypsy's dogs and leaves a note courtesy from the White Man from Town to lift the curse. The gypsies still don't lift the curse and stuff and leave a dead man message for Billy. Richie terrorises their village, and gets them to shoot the husband of the main granddaughter of the leader. He then kidnaps the granddaughter and brings her to where Billy is and almost burns her face with acid. After that death, Tadzu is convinced that the curse of the White Man from Town is real so he meets with Billy, who is very emaciated now. Tadzu holds a pie in is hand and explains that the curse can't just be lifted, it must be transferred. He stabs Billy's hand and drips his blood into the pie. He explains that the whole pie must be eaten but that person will die but it's the only way to completely remove the curse.
Billy is convinced his wife has been cheating on him with a local doctor so he has his intended pie victim. He comes home, his wife is overjoyed as she hasn't been cheating on him. She gladly eats the pie, Billy wakes up the next day next to his now dead wife. He goes downstairs and sees his daughter who has also eaten the pie, not it's his turns since everyone in his life is dead. Then the door rings and it's the doctor so Billy invites him in for some pie too.
Not enough plot for a whole movie, it seems like it was probably a great short story. The ending reminded me of Pet Semetery where the dad is going to be killed by his undead wife. Everyone is bad, you don't root for either Billy or the Gypsies. The fat suit is pretty good, but Billy eating all the time is super gross. The pulsating blood/strawberry pie is gross, but at least an interesting ending.
