Wednesday, April 1, 2015


Watched March 16, 2015

Starring: Robert John Burke, Joe Mantegna, Lucinda Jenney, Michael Constantine

Billy Halleck (Robert John Burke) is a fat lawyer who gets a mobster acquitted for a crime. He does such a good job that the mobster,  Richie (Joe Mategna) says he's owes him a favor for being such a good lawyer. Billy lives with his wife Heidi (Lucinda Jenney) and daughter Linda (Bethany Joy Lenz) in a small town in New England.

A caravan of Gypsies arrive in town and set up an impromptu carnival. Billy and a coworker make lewd comments about one of the Gypsy women, but she is out of earshot. She does hear them somehow and flips off Billy when she sees him leaving his office. The local police ask the Gypsies to move on. That night, Billy is driving home from dinner all while getting a blow job from his wife when he hits an old Gypsy woman. The woman's father, Tadzu (Michael Constantine) is the leader of the Gypsies and he is very distraught over the death of his daughter. The woman was very old, but Tadzu looks pretty old too but not old enough to have an elderly daughter. 

Since Billy knows the local law enforcement and is a lawyer he is acquitted with no wrong doing for the murder. After the hearing, Tadzu brushes his hand across Billy's face and says "thinner." Billy has already been on a diet with the help of his wife who uses a computer spread sheet to note his progress. Billy at his heaviest is 300 pounds but he starts rapidly losing weight. He quits his diet and is eating nonstop. He loses so much weight so quickly, his wife is concerned it may be cancer, so he goes to see a specialist. He's stuffing his face with 12,000 calories a day and still losing considerable weight.

Billy checks in with the judge and the police officer who were at his vehicular homicide hearing to see if they've been effected by a Gypsy curse too. Billy goes to the judge's house, his wife is drinking heavily and says that he's out of town. With some prying, Billy finds out he has a clinic because his skin has been turning into lizard paper. He then goes to the police officer, it's dark but Billy can see that he has some strange growth that has taken over half of his body. As Billy exits his house he hears a gunshot go off, the office has just committed suicide. 

Billy tells his wife he's going back to the clinic to figure out his dramatic weight loss but instead tries to track down the Gypsies. He finds them and demands that the curse be lifted but Tadzu says no. He then turns it around and says that the White Man from Town curses them. They all laugh, since they think he doesn't have any power. But he does have a favor from a mafia man.

Billy rents out a little cottage near the water and gets in touch with Richie. He explains to Richie was has been going on and Richie gets to work. First Richie poisons all the Gypsy's dogs and leaves a note courtesy from the White Man from Town to lift the curse. The gypsies still don't lift the curse and stuff and leave a dead man message for Billy. Richie terrorises their village, and gets them to shoot the husband of the main granddaughter of the leader. He then kidnaps the granddaughter and brings her to where Billy is and almost burns her face with acid. After that death, Tadzu is convinced that the curse of the White Man from Town is real so he meets with Billy, who is very emaciated now. Tadzu holds a pie in is hand and explains that the curse can't just be lifted, it must be transferred. He stabs Billy's hand and drips his blood into the pie. He explains that the whole pie must be eaten but that person will die but it's the only way to completely remove the curse.

Billy is convinced his wife has been cheating on him with a local doctor so he has his intended pie victim. He comes home, his wife is overjoyed as she hasn't been cheating on him. She gladly eats the pie, Billy wakes up the next day next to his now dead wife. He goes downstairs and sees his daughter who has also eaten the pie, not it's his turns since everyone in his life is dead. Then the door rings and it's the doctor so Billy invites him in for some pie too.

Not enough plot for a whole movie, it seems like it was probably a great short story. The ending reminded me of Pet Semetery where the dad is going to be killed by his undead wife. Everyone is bad, you don't root for either Billy or the Gypsies. The fat suit is pretty good, but Billy eating all the time is super gross. The pulsating blood/strawberry pie is gross, but at least an interesting ending. 

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