Monday, February 19, 2018
Watched January 14, 2018
Starring: Jonny Lee Miller, Gerard Butler, Christopher Plummer, Justine Waddell
Abraham Van Helsing (Christopher Plummer) operates an antique art dealership in London. Simon (Jonny Lee Miller) and Selena (Jennifer Esposito) work for him. Simon hits on Selena but is rebuffed. That night, after Simon leaves the building, Marcus (Omar Epps), Nightshade (Danny Masterson) and a couple other dead meats break into Van Helsing's super secure vault. Using both hacking and straight up breaking and entering they manage to get it open. Selena is in on it, and she's dating Marcus. She doesn't know what is in the vault but is convinced it must be very valuable because of the security measures. Inside they find a bunch of skulls with vampire teeth. They continue deeper into the crypt and in the main room find a metal coffin that they can't open. They push the coffin off its pedestal and that activates further security measures that impale two of the thieves, and traps the rest of the group in the room. They came prepared though, and they blast through the wall. Old Van Helsing had been in his office injecting the blood of leeches into his body. He goes to investigate but the thieves managed to steal the coffin and escape.
Simon comes back the next day and the security guards are all gone. He talks to Van Helsing, trying to figure out what happening. Van Helsing doesn't want the police involved, Simon doesn't know what was in the vault either, or that this was the Van Helsing from Dracula lore. Van Helsing tells Simon he's leaving to deal with the stolen item, Simon decides to secretly follow him.
Meanwhile, Mary (Justine Waddell) is in New Orleans. She works at the Virgin Megastore. She keeps having weird visions of a strange man, like waking nightmares.
The thieves took the coffin and are in flight on a cargo plane. Nightshade is trying to get the coffin open. Each time that blood is spilled near the coffin, it's sucked into the coffin but no one seems to notice. Nightshade cuts his hand trying to pry the coffin open, and the blood makes the coffin open. Inside is some smoke and a corpse with a full face helmet and a bunch of leeches. A leech somehow gets into Nightshade's eye. Dracula, the corpse, then comes to life. Another thief hears the commotion and comes to investigate what is happening in the cargo hold. He is attacked by Dracula. Everyone on the plane is bitten.
The plane crashes outside of New Orleans, in a "swamp of death." The coffin and bodies are taken to an old city hall in the little town. Jeri Ryan is the local news reporter, she is attacked and turned into a vampire while reporting on the crash.
Van Helsing shows up in New Orleans, somehow he know this is where the thieves/Dracula would be headed. Van Helsing goes to the little town hall where all the bodies are being kept and manages to kill a couple of the thief vampires. Simon shows up demanding an explanation. Van Helsing explains how he initially captured Dracula but then felt obligated to forever watch over him to make sure he didn't come back to "life" and kill again. So he has a bunch of leeches that suck the corpse of Dracula's blood, then he takes the leech blood and injects himself. This gives him a touch of immortality. The cops show up, arrest the vampire Selena.
Van Helsing explains about his daughter Mary having a touch of Dracula blood in her and she's the reason that Dracula came to New Orleans. Simon goes to find Mary and tries to explain what her dad was doing with the vampire blood and why she's been having visions of Dracula, but she didn't want anything to do with him. Vampire Marcus shows up and attacks Simon in the shipping dock of the Virgin store. Simon decapitates Marcus. Simon shares Van Helsing's diary with Mary to try to further explain the weird blood connection.
Mary goes to confessional to talk to Nathan Fillion, a priest about her visions. They also happen to be old friends. Dracula (Gerard Butler) finds Lucy (Colleen Fitzpatrick), Mary's roommate and coworker at the Virgin megastore. He hypnotizes her and she takes him back to their house. They have crazy ceiling sex and Lucy is turned into a vampire. Van Helsing comes to the house but Dracula kills him. Mary comes back to the house, finds Lucy's room torn apart and Van Helsing, her dad, dead and stuffed under the bed. Lucy is now a vampire and along with Selena and Jeri Ryan they kind of attack Mary but they know that Dracula wants her. Dracula shows up, Mary runs outside into Simon who shoots wolf form Dracula into a bunch of bats.
Simon is captured by the three lady vampires. Dracula bites Mary and gives her a vision to explain that he is Judas Iscariot. After he was hung for being a traitor to Jesus he somehow managed to survive by drinking the blood of Jesus's children. That's why Dracula hates Christianity. After the vision Dracula invites Mary to feed on Simon. Mary pretends to bite him but then decapitates Lucy and stabs Dracula. Simon beheads Selena with some garden shears. Mary hangs Dracula from a giant cross with a light up Jesus image on it. But it falls off the building and she is only held from falling by Dracula. She falls to the ground, but is kind of a vampire so she survives. As the sun rises to kill Dracula, he releases her from the vampire curse.
Back to being a human, Mary decides to follow in her Father's footsteps and become a supernatural hunter/vampire killer. With Simon as her companian, they'll make sure Dracula doesn't come back.
Pretty whatever movie, it takes place during Mardi Gras, for no particular reason. Mary wears a tank top, sweater, cropped loose pants and thick black slides. It was cool at the time but quickly became middle aged mom attire. The time capsule of a Virgin megastore is neat. The special effects are actually pretty good, they hold up as a nice practical with digital combo.Nothing really stands out as either super great or super terrible. Gerard Butler has a weird mouth. Mary is unremarkable. The leech thing is pretty weird.