Sunday, October 12, 2014

Dungeons and Dragons

Watched September 29, 2014

Starring: Jeremy Irons, Justin Whalin, Marlon Wayans, Zoe McLlelan

This was my second viewing of this movie as I wanted to give it a chance in a group setting even though my memory of it is terrible. We didn't plan ahead very well so it was a trial getting the movie on the fly, but once we did get it streaming it was still very bad. I have never played Dungeons and Dragons, but I'm aware of how it plays and I enjoy fantasy so when I originally saw it I thought it could be fun, but I was wrong.

The kingdom is ruled by Empress Savina (Thora Birch) who realizes that the caste system of mages and everyone else is unfair, so she wants to bring equality to her empire. Profion (Jeremy Irons) is a powerful mage who wants to rule the kingdom and believes he can do if he can control the powerful red dragons. The empress has a scepter that controls the gold dragons and that's how she maintains power over the land. 

Ridley (Justin Whalin) and Snails (Marlon Wayans) are bumbling thieves who break into the mage school to find some good things to sell. While they are there the head librarian Mage (Tomas Havrlik) is being threatened by Damodar (Bruce Payne) who is the muscle for Profion. The Mage's student Marina (Zoe McLellan) investigates what the thieves are doing and binds them just as the Mage is killed by Damodar. Luckily the scroll that Damodar was looking for was whisked into Marina's hands. Marina escapes with the thieves. The fall on a piles of rags that turns out the be a dwarf, Azmath (Robert Miano) who tags along on their quest. 

On the scroll are the instructions on how to find the special red dragon scepter. Somewhere here Marina explains what needs to happen to Ridley and Snails and they join the quest. They have many obstacles to face on their way. Ridley has to go through a dungeon of traps to retrieve the dragon's eye and special gem. All the while they are being chases by Damodar. The empress in the meantime is appealing to the imperial senate about her wishes to do away with the caste system. Profion is enraged at this and tries to turn them to his side.

At a castle ruin, there is a showdown with Damodar and Snails is killed. Ridley is also stabbed but is saved by some spells. There is also an elf lady that joins the group for awhile. Ultimately the red dragon scepter is found but it ends up in Profion hands. The Empress still had her gold dragon scepter but it's not enough. Luckily Marina and Ridley show up and help the empress get the red dragon scepter and Profion is destroyed.

I pretty much hated everyone. My favorite part of the movie was this cool accordion lantern that Ridley used to explore a cave. They use CGI for everything and it looks terrible. This was rough time in CGI when they figured it looked great so let's use it all the time, well it doesn't hold up and everything looks fake and it takes you out of the movie. I can't believe they killed Snails, who I enjoyed looking at compared to Ridley's horrible smirk in every scene. Jeremy Irons is taking it to the max but that still doesn't save it. I love Thora Birch and her outfits are cool and weird but that's not enough to save this.  It's just such a mess that even to make fun of it is painful and sad.

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