Watched August 4, 2025
1991
Starring: Chad Lowe, Kristy Swanson, Patrick Bergin
Director: Ate de Jong
Charlie (Chad Lowe) and Rachel (Kristy Swanson) are in a beat up pinto driving off to Vegas to elope. They didn't tell anyone except Rachel did leave her mom a note so she wouldn't worry. They are worried about getting in trouble so they get off the freeway onto a smaller frontage road. They get gas at an antique gas station called Sam's Last Chance. Sam (Richard Farnsworth) warns them to not stop between the two joshua trees. As they drive Charlie falls asleep and they almost crash spinning around by a billboard. An officer stops them but it's Hellcop! He has awesome "hand" cuffs that are real hands. Hellcop grabs Rachel out of the car and handcuffs her in the back of his crazy souped up cop car, they disappear. Chad goes back to the gas station where Sam explains that his long lost wife was taken to hell on that road. Sam also has a bunch of clippings of other women taken. Sam gives Charlie his 1930's car and says it's got something special and shows him how to divert onto the mystical road to hell.
Hell is the desert, very sunny and bright. Charlie runs into a motorcycle/scooter gang. They threaten Charlie but don't actually do anything. Rachel and Hellcop stop at Cop Diner. Ben Stiller is outside grilling meat on the sidewalk as the short order cook. Ann Meara is the waitress who won't stop talking. Jerry Stiller is a cop just trying to get a cup of coffee. All the cops are various stages of zombies. Rachel gets the handcuffs off by pouring boiling coffee on them and runs out. She gets trapped by the moto gang who give her to Hellcop. They're heading the Satan I guess.
Lita Ford is a hitchhiker who tries to get a ride with Charlie, but a crazy guy jumps on his car instead.
In a chase with Hellcop, Charlie's car is super damaged. He uses a random phone to call for help but in the meantime a tow truck shows up. Mr. Ben is the dog that is along for the whole movie. Beezle (Patrick Bergin) is the tow truck driver/fix it guy and he has a 6 year old kid Adam (Jarrett Lennon). The car is fixed but Adam stows away on the side rail so Charlie doesn't see. There is a group of fix it road workers with Andy Warhol wigs. They are taking people with good intentions to pave the road to hell.
They go to a gambling hall called Hoffa's. Gilbert Gottfried is Hitler. Sexy dancers and folks dressed from the all different eras. Hellcop and Rachel are there but Hellcop shoots Charlie. Beezl shows up and uses Adam to heal Charlie.
The next part is a shortcut. Charlie drives to a cave where Hellcop is parked. All this time Charlie recognized Clara, a woman with the motorcycle gang, as Sam's lost wife. She warns Charlie that this shortcut is a test, and she failed it.
In the eroded sand cave a door appears, Rachel is there dressed in black tied to a bed. Charlie and Rachel kiss, she wants to have sex so that Satan doesn't want her anymore. Charlie had grabbed her bracelet that fell when she was arrested and gives it back to her but she doesn't really care. Hellcop is there and fights Charlie, but Charlie manages to shoot Hellocop with his Hellgun. Even though Charlie is bleeding from the mouth Rachel still wants to make out and have sex but Charlie sees her in the mirror and she's a crazy demon! Awesome effect. Charlie manages to fight the demon and escape but it was all a trick and he's back on the same road.
Now there is a parade on VW beetles chasing Charlie but he gets past them and makes it to Satan City. Joke bumper sticker "Pontius is my copilot." Charlie he has to cross the river Styx and Chiron doesn't want him in since he's not dead. Charlie manages to get in, finds the real Rachel who was also tempted by becoming a super great violinist instead of a mom running a pizza place? Satan tries to makes some deal, but they had learned that Adam isn't dead either. His parent's were killed and Beezle took him. Charlie and Rachel want to take Adam back to Earth with them. They have to outrace Hellcop to try to make it out of Hell. The moto gang is chasing them too and lead guy has a sword, but Clara helps them crash so they don't get Charlie and Rachel. The vibe is Clara is now free in death. Clara tells them to shoot Hellcop in the eyes. The car does have some turbo booster they find at the last minute and make it out of Hell.
They get arrested by the real cop but then Hellcop makes it through too and fights them but Rachel shoots him in the face. They drive away.
End text crawl!
Adam goes to the live with his aunt and uncle in Cleveland. Charlie and Rachel get married and have a pizza shop and she plays violin. Adam writes letters to the dog. Some other stuff.
Great! Practical effects, horror comedy, jokes that worked for me. Cool hell setting. Chad screen kisses really weird. Picked on a whim based on the bad Photoshop image showing up on Plex. I'd never heard of this movie before. The tone is strange so I can understand why it doesn't have a long legacy.
