Prayer of the Rollerboys

Watched November 18, 2022

 

1990

Starring: Corey Haim, Patricia Arquette, Christopher Collet, Julius Harris, Devin Clark

Directed by Rick King

This takes place in the not so distant future. After another big stock market crash, the entire US economy was decimated, losing its global power. Tons of kids were raised in chain link orphanages  presumable because their parents couldn't afford to take care of them. Griffin (Corey Haim) and his brother Miltie (Devin Clark) live in a tent on the property of Speedbagger (Julius Harris) who runs a bike and Rollerblade repair shop. 

 

Griffin works at Pinky's Pizza, delivering pizza in an armored van. After a pizza run, Griffin comes across a burning home, two people run out of, but someone is still trapped inside. Griffin rams the back of the van into the building, creating an escape hole and helps the guy get out. Griffin seems to recognize the guy, the cops show up and arrest Griffin, while the other guy flees. The burning building was a Rollerboy drug house. At the police station, Griffin's pizza job checks out and he is let go. 

 

Griffin is practicing rollerblading in a parking lot with Miltie when Gary Lee and the Rollerboys show up. Gary Lee thanks Griffin for saving Bullwinkle from the fire. Griffin doesn't want a reward in return. Gary Lee gives Miltie a cross with a dragon on it and says to ask if they need anything. 

 

Pinky is pissed that the van was destroyed and Griffin owes Pinky a lot of money to get a new one. Miltie shows up in a new minivan to replace the old one, courtesy of the Rollerboys. Griffin doesn't want to take it but Pinky does. Griffin isn't into the Rollerboys or Gary Lee even though they were friends as kids. The Rollerboys are white nationalist fascists who blame the 'other' for the woes of the US.

 

At the boardwalk, Casey (Patricia Arquette) asks Griffin for drugs, assuming he's a Rollerboy, but he isn't and doesn't have any drugs so he gives her the brush off, for now.

Miltie likes the Rollerboy lifestyle and goes to a circus carnival themed party with oil lady wrestling, champagne and mermaid girls on a carousel. Casey is there too. Griffin tries to get Miltie to leave but he's having fun. Gary Lee keeps trying to convince Griffin to beocome a Rollerboy. Griffin leaves the party, Casey follows him still asking for drugs. They make out and he takes off her underwear, he hands it to her and calls her easy. Griffin rollerblades through what looks like a sex worker alley and runs into two plainclothes police officers. After the police chase after Griffin, they take him to the police station. 

 

Detective Wakowski talks to Griffin about trying to stop the Rollerboys drug ring. Griffin doesn't want to do it. Here we learn that Casey isn't just a drug seeking Rollerboy groupie, she's an undercover cop. 

 

Miltie starts dealing drugs anyway, the Rollerboys sell a proprietary drug called Myst. Griffin tries to get Miltie to stop but then a rival Rollerboy gang does a drive by then chases Griffin and Miltie. They are cornered, Bullwinkle kills the rival gangmembers ans tells Griffin they're even for the fire rescue now. Griffin decides to works for the cops so he goes to Gary Lee's office to talk. Gary Lee is buying guns from overseas. He has a bunch of TVs on mannequins leg stands as decor in his offic. Griffin shoots one, Gary Lee is into it, and he invites Griffin to the real initiation.

 

At a shipping port, three guys are all trying to be Rollerboys, they're on rollerblades holding onto ropes attached to the back of a van. They have to grab a security badge and get out of the port alive. The first guy is shot in the back, lots of hot rollerblade action. Griffin makes it, the other guy is close but Gary Lee shoots him anyway.

 

Casey reveals to Griffin she's an undercover cop trying to help him, using them kissing as cover. She tells him he's got to work the drug kitchen so they can bust the Rollerboys with the equipment and drugs.

 

Speedbagger know how racist the Rollerboys are so he's very disappointed that Griffin has joined and Grifinf can't tell him that he's undercover. Speedbagger tells Griffin to get his new RV off of his property. Miltie takes Myst and gets in trouble with Gary Lee. No Rollerboy is supposed to get high off his own supply. Griffin goes to Casey's apartment, they make out, it looks like she's going to blow him but then she just takes his underwear and throws it in his face and says 'get to work!'

 

Bullwinkle tells on Griffin to Gary Lee that he's still friends with Speedbagger. Gary Lee says Griffin needs to be a more enthusiastic gang member. The Rollerboyss raid the rival gang, Bullwinkle again catches Griffin letting people go instead of killing them. 

Bullwinkle spies on Speedbagger. The gang has a big beat down where thy are skating around a hooded person punching them and kicking them. That person turns out to be Speedbagger. Miltie is now disillusioned with the gang, they get Speedbagger to the hospital, he's ok.

 

Griffin goes to Casey saying he's leaving town with Miltie and she can come if she wants. Her brother died as a Rollerboy so she wants to stay to stop them. They kiss and Griffin spends the night. In the morning, Bullwinkle barges in yelling at Griffin. Casey's police badge is on the table, Bullwinkle threatens to shoot them but the two cops surveilling Casey barge in. Bullwinkle grabs Casey but the second guy shoots Bullwinkle. The detective says they'll dump the body so it looks like MI6 (the rival gang?) but Griffin has to get the kitchen job now. 

 

 Gary Lee visits Griffin's house/RV and tells him Bullwinkle is dead. Gary Lee knows it was tense between Griffin and Bullwinkle but Griffin has the kitchen shift tomorrow. Griffin tells the detective to come. 

 

At the kitchen lab, Griffin paired with Bango (Mark Pellegrino) and Bango loves kitchen duty, he's having fun. Griffin learns the day of the rope is about poisoning Myst users so they can't reproduce: racial Eugenics. Miltie's only done it a couple times so I guess he'll be fine.  The cops show up, Griffin fights and hits Bango so he can't destory the operation with acid. The two undercover officers are corrupt and they're just gonna take the money but Casey shows up and shoots them plus the real detectives shows up. They leave the lab to find Gary Lee with Miltie and a bunch of Rollerboys. Shoot out then Griffin and Gary Lee, then a big roller chase with Gary Lee shooting at Griffin. Griffin then does a pole swing and gets Gary Lee's gun. He punches Gary Lee before Gary Lee can stab him. Ends with Griffin and Casey driving and making out with Miltie and Speedbagger in their RV heading to Oregon. But Gary Lee is in jail with his lawyer planning to get Griffin. Sequel set up that never happens.

Miltie is not great. Probably that's part of what made Corey Haim so special is that he was a good kid actor. I'm sorry that drugs took Corey Haim's life.  Being a child star/teen heartthrob seems brutal. Both Corey's were talents but had a hard time getting past stuff but at least Corey Feldman's is still alive.

 

I only on this rewatch realized that Gary Lee is played by Christopher Collet, who played Paul in Sleepaway Camp another favorite movie of mine from my high school years. 

 

Beautifully stupid and just my cup of tea. I also really love Corey Haim, so I've seen many stupid movies what he was in. The yellow filter over everything is a bit much. Lots of great rollerblading though! Rollerblading seems very challenging to make look dynamic on film. Turns out the screenwriter W. Peter Iliff was really on a Rollerblade kick because he also wrote the story for the made for TV movie, Blade Squad. I haven't watched it yet, but it's on my list.

 

We decided through randomness to watch rollerblade movies in November 2022. Compared to skateboard and roller skate movies there aren't as many Rollerblade movies even though it was big fad in the late '80s to the '90s, I'm looking at you jolly rancher commercial.

Trancers

Watched May 6, 2022

 "Dry hair is for squids" says Jack Deth

1985

Starring: Tim Thomerson, Helen Hunt, Michael Stefani, Telma Hopkins

In a future coffee shop, Jack Deth (Tim Thomerson) hassles a big guy about being a trancer. Jack puts a bracelet on him but it indicates he's not a trancer, but the server behind the counter is. She goes from looking normal to looking zombie-like and crazy. She attacks Jack, after a tussle he grabs his blaster that had been slapped out of his hand and 'singes' the trancer, making them disappear. Jack's boss doesn't like that he keeps destroying the trancers and he isn't following protocol. Jack's wife was killed by a trancer so he's very bitter. 

The head of the organization of trancer destroyers reveal that Whistler (Michael Stefani), a super bad guy has time traveled back to 1985 and is killing the ancestors of the current anti-trancers board. Aunt Rachel from Family Matters (Telma Hopkins) is the scientist that can send the brain back to a family member's body in the past. They send Jack's brain into his distant relative Phil's body in 1985. Phil is casually dating Leena (Helen Hunt), so Jack in Phil's body wakes up and drives her to work. It's a Christmas movie, she's a mall Santa photographer. Jack walks her into the mall and it turns out that Santa is a trancer. Santa fights Jack, Jack gets a security guard's gun and kills Santa. Jack tries to explain to Leena about the time travel deal and trancers, she's not having it.

They go to the tanning salon to find one of the people Jack is trying save or contact. Leena stays in the car, but then drives off since she thinks the guy she knew as Phil is nuts. It turns out that the tanning dude is a trancer and he locks Jack in a tanning room and turns it on super hot. Leena comes back to see the dead trancer dude disappear/singe, now she believes Jack's story. She saves Jack from the hot tanning room, it was jammed shut by a surfboard. As they leave the tanning salon, the cops show up and Whistler turns out to be the head of the cops...so they're all trancers? They are about to shoot Leena and Jack, but Jack has a special watch that makes one long second, a second that last 10 seconds. Everyone is basically frozen in time, Jack grabs Leena and throws her in the car and they get out of there.

 They can't go back to Phil's place, so they go to Chinatown where Leena knows a friend's apartment is empty since it's Christmas Eve. The apartment looks like a neon club and happens to be over an actual club. They go downstairs to the punk club to dance, but Leena is hassled by an old boyfriend she's not interested in. Some punk trancers attack Jack, so Jack and Leena get out of there. They go back upstairs to make out but are interrupted by a little girl. She's the only relative Jack's co-worker McNulty (Art Lafleur) could find, and she reminds Jack that another board member is dead. Jack kicks the girl out and he keeps making out with Leena. But the future pulls him back to tell him that it's getting serious. They have a photo of the relative he is supposed to find before Whistler does. He goes back to 1985, but missed the sex with Leena. Lenea tries to go to sleep but Jack wakes her up to try to find  the guy in the photo. 

Leena knows how to hot wire scooter, they take some from in front of the punk club. They head to skid row but are pursued by Whistler. Jack and Leena find some hobos, ask about the guy in photo, they say check the old paper factory for him. They do find another group of hobos including an old baseball player who is the future ladies' relative, the last board member. They grab the guy, use Leena as bait to trick Whistler. But Whistler throws Leena off the building, Jack got another watch when he went back to the future. He saves her again, then the hobo baseball guy throws something at Whistler and he falls off the building. Whistler doesn't have a future body to go back to, as Jack had destroyed it on one of his trips back to the future. Since Whistler's past body is destroyed and so is his future body, he dies or stays in brain limbo. Jack stays with Leena in 1985 to become his own Grandpa or something.

At only 76 minutes it still feels a little long at times. There's not a lot to it, but compare to Fateful Findings at least its a real movie. It's spawned a whole bunch of sequels, which might be fun. Helen Hunt is great, Tim Thomerson seems too old to be dating her but that's usually how it goes. They don't really explain how people become trancers, but it does seem to be like a trance-like switch, I guess Whistler was in charge of them the whole time, I just don't understand why they are killing.

The Thirteenth Floor

Watched November 17, 2015

1999
Starring: Craig Bierko, Gretchen Mol, Vincent D'Onofrio

This was on a couple lists of movies about the internet or visualization of virtual reality technology so when I found a copy at a thrift store I figured it was time to check it out. The cover really looks they were trying to capitalize on the success of The Matrix, even though I think this movie was released first, but with the VHS release they added the green scrolling numbers to hint at a similar story. There are some slight similarities in creating a virtual world, but The Thirteenth Floor is by no means The Matrix. 

Douglas Hall (Craig Bierko) works in tech with Jason (Vincent D'Onofrio) and they are making some sort of virtual reality world game. Hannon Fuller (Armin Mueller Stahl) who had also been working on the game is found murdered and it seems like Douglas is a main suspect. Hannon has been going into the virtual world, even though it wasn't ready to be tested. The game takes them to a very realistic virtual world of 1937. Before Hannon was murdered he left clues for Douglas to find in the virtual world. A mysterious lady, Jane (Gretchen Mol) who claims to be Hannon's daughter, shows up and wants to shut down the company, as per her father's last wishes. Douglas is being pursued by the cops so he goes into the virtual world game to try to figure out what really happened to Hannon so he can clear his name. To enter the virtual world you end up taking over  the body of an existing character, which makes the transition very difficult as you character has a life and story before you start the game and you have to pick up the pieces.

Douglas begins to get some clues about the virtual world they have built that lead him back to questions what is going on his world. He finds another version of Jane in his reality that makes him questions what is connecting the virtual world to the world he believes to be real. Jane ends up explaining that Douglas's world is also virtual, it is one of many virtual worlds built by her husband David, who happens to be the model for Douglas. 

David comes to kill Jane for falling in love with Douglas who is only a simulation. Through multiple virtual worlds this is stopped. David is killed and Jane brings Douglas back to her world, the world that built all the virtual reality worlds. It's super confusing.
  
It's weird that Hannon, Douglas and Jason who created the 1937 virtual world can't manipulate it, but I guess in hindsight that may have something to do with it being a virtual world within a virtual world. I bet the short story that is based on is really great, but as a movie it's mostly confusing and kind of dull. The best part is when Douglas tries to drive to the limit of the world, which happened to be the desert of Arizona. When he gets there it's just wireframes, which looks pretty neat. I wish more of the movie looked like that.

Parasite

Watched November 3, 2015

1982
Starring: Robert Glaudini, Demi Moore, Al Fann, Vivian Blaine

It begins with a strange sequence where a scientist, Dr. Paul Dean (Robert Glaudini) is working in his lab that is filled with red fog. It is revealed that he is working with parasites, but then he is unexpectedly punched in the face by a businessman. In the tussle, Paul knocks over the container with the parasite, which escapes and works its way into his body. There are also some flashes of him being tied to a weird operating table, so perhaps he was supposed to be infected the whole time.

In the year 1992:
Some kind of apocalypse has happened and the world is run by a strange company called Xyrex. The suburbs have been turned into work farms. Dr. Dean, infected with the parasite, has stolen a van with his scientific equipment and driven to remote Joshua, California where about 60 people live. 

 He checks into a boarding house and seems pretty sickly. He has a thermos with a larger parasite inside, and is injecting himself to control his own parasite. A bunch of street kids show up and hassle him, they end up stealing a bunch of his stuff, beating him up and taking him back to the garage where they all live. They are curious about what is in his thermos, open it and the parasite attaches itself to Zeke (Tom Villard.) They can't get it off so they blame Dr. Dean. Patricia ( Demi Moore) a local young lady who isn't involved with the street toughs, rescues  Dr. Dean and takes him back to her house which is even more remote than the tiny town.

In the meantime, the Xyrex businessman is trying to find Dr. Dean.  He has a laser gun that he cuts an old man's hand off with. He has a couple run-ins with the street toughs, since one of them used to be a businessman like himself.

The parasite kills Zeke, then grows massively larger and attaches itself to Dana (Cherie Currie.) They take Dana to Collins (Al Fann), the local merchant. Even though they were just hassling him the day before. They get Dana to the boarding house run by Miss Elizabeth (Vivian Blaine), but Dana dies anyway, which releases the parasite to find another host. The parasite then attacks Miss Elizabeth and it explodes out of her face. Dr. Dean and Patricia are now trying to get the larger parasite, because Dr. Dean needs it for some reason. He gets his equipment from his room and manages to remove his internal parasite with a oscilloscope or electricity or something. Dr. Dean and Patricia escape the boarding house before the evil businessman and the  larger parasite and the businessman are blown up. The End.

While not a great movie by any mean there is a nice build up to some of the better special effects, specifically when the parasite bursts out of Miss Elizabeth's face. They don't completely explain the dystopian world and some of the character motivation is hard to decipher. Times are obviously tough since all the merchant has to sell is canned soup. The businessman seems like he gave Dr. Dean the parasite so it's weird that he is trying to get it back. That is never explained. Then it ends. After watching it I saw a trailer that showed the main marketing for this movie focused on it being in 3D, so the plot really just had to throw a lot of thing in the audience's face for it to be a hit.

Andromedia

Watched March 13, 2015

1998
Starring: Hiroko Shimabukuro, Kenji Harada, Ryo Kara

I've been trying to find more movies from the mid-'90s that have visualizations of the Internet experience. I find it fascinating the various attempts to make code and early websites look visually appealing. This search led me to Andromedia, a film by Takashi Miike. 

Mai (Hiroko Shimabukuro) is your average teenaged schoolgirl who has a nice group of close friends. Yuu (Kenji Harada) has been her friend since they were kids but now she has romantic feelings towards him and it has caused a rift between her and her girlfriends. Yuu and Mai have a special spot where they've always gone to play or be together; an always blossoming cherry tree that somehow exists on the beach. Mai and Yuu kiss and it seems their relationship is about to change from friends to more. After a nice day together, Mai is walking home when she is run over by a truck.

 Mai's father is a computer whiz who had recorded all of Mai's memories to disc. When she dies, he transfers her memories to a digital version AI, who then becomes Mai in the computer. The bad guys have been watching Mai's dad and know that he has activated this program. They want his technology so they break in to his house and kill him, but as he dies he unplugs Mai from his computer and pushes her into the web. She shows up on the school computer where Yuu is. He is able to transfer her program to a laptop and take her everywhere.  Yuu meets up with Mai's friends and they all go to the beach. Mai is very happy for being recently deceased, she even though can't smell the salt of the ocean. The bad guys continue to track down Mai, they have order from some English speaking guy in either the US or Canada. They release a virus to attack Mai. At the same time, Yuu is chased by the henchmen on foot but he keeps running with laptop Mai. He happens to run into the boy band Da Pump who are driving home from a bathhouse in a VW beetle. Yuu gets a ride but the bad guys are hot on their trails. This is where things get really wacky. The bad guys manage to mess with the air conditioning system in the beetle so it gets really hot then really cold in the car. The VW's steering wheel even comes off for a moment. Da Pump and Yuu manage to jump out of the car before it goes over a cliff and bursts in flames.

A deadly car chases doesn't get Da Pump down, they all head to their cool fire themed club house where they sing their hit song and do a dance routine. It comes out of nowhere, but I appreciated it since the movie was getting really slow.

It turns out that Mai has a half brother who is also a computer whiz, but has a brain aneurysm that is going to kill him. He has wants Mai for some reason, maybe just to make sure the bad guys can't get to her. He built the mass of computers and cables that are still in the high school's computer lab. That is where Yuu found Mai. 

The bad guys find all the girlfriends and bring in the mega computer/server farm. They want Mai, I still don't know what they want to do with the technology or her specifically. Yuu shows up with Mai in the laptop, Rika is held hostage and will be shot if Yuu doesn't give the bad guy Mai. Yuu can't let her go, luckily one of her friends saves Rika's life by grabbing the laptop out of Yuu's grip. All the friends manage to escapes after the bad guy uses the AI program to access his memories the end up destroying him. All the girlfriends are friends even if there is some strange feeling floating around because Rika also likes Yuu. All the friends again meet on the beach, but Mai is ready to say goodbye. Yuu still can't let go and I was convinced he was going to drown himself along with computer Mai. Instead computer Mai is drowned in the ocean while Yuu floats around.

 Mai's half brother meets his end by being crucified by his pile of computer monitors and wires. I did not understand what was going on with him. The dynamic between all the friends was really confusing, it took me awhile to understand that all the girlfriends were estranged because both Mai and Rika liked Yuu. Yuu is obsessed with digital Mai in a really unhealthy way, she's just a talking laptop.

I typically enjoy the dated outfits of older movie but it seems that the average Japanese teenaged girl has been wearing the same outfit for 30 years: over-sized sweater, short pleated plaid skit, thick socks, and little tennis shoes. 

This movie is slow and confusing, the weird dance montage doesn't make it worth it. Digital Mai is pretty cool but she doesn't interact with the Internet very much. 

The Lawnmower Man II: Jobe's War

Watched November 19, 2014

1996
Starring: Matt Frewer, Patrick Bergin, Austin O'Brien, Ely Pouget

The main discussion before watching this movie was if it mattered if we had seen the first Lawnmower Man movie. I had vague memories of having seen it at some point when I was a kid but didn't remember much. We put together that the first one was about a simple lawnmower man ( not a real thing) who was approached by a scientist with a conceit that he could make the lawnmower man smarter by connecting him to a computer. The lawnmover man then gets enmeshed in the digital world and tries to take over the real world. Well, the sequel picks up somewhere where the first one left off.

The scientist, Dr. Benjamin Trace (Patrick Bergin) who created the mind digitizing chip was taken to court and lost the patent on his chip. Jobe (Matt Frewer) the simple lawnmower man wasn't destroyed int he first movie, but he lost his digital mental powers. Jonathan Walker (Kevin Conway) brings the body of Jobe back it turns outs he is fairly okay. Jonathan and his fellow researchers reconnect Jobe to the cyber sphere where he quickly starts making a world of his own. 

Peter (Austin O'Brien) is a kid who knew the lawnmower man before he lost his mind in the cyberspace. It's now the future and it looks a lot like Blade Runner. Peter is now a street urchin, who lives in an abandoned subway car with three other friends. They like to connect to the net and cruise around. The cyberspace experience is a 3D wonderland where you can fly around wherever you like. 

In the cyber space, Jobe contacts Peter and asks him to find Dr. Trace. After he lost his patent, Dr. Trace shunned technology and moved to the desert. Peter and his friends manages to figure out where Dr. Trace and they tell him about Jobe.

With each session in cyberspace, Jobe keeps getting more powerful and kills some people that try to stop him. He is stuck in his wheelchair but one way he orchestrates the deaths is by overloading computers that are controlling flights so that they crash, killing both the intended target as well as a whole place on innocent bystanders. Jobe wants Dr. Trace to finish work on the chip because this will give him the power to take over the world. Dr. Trace connects with his former student Dr. Platt (Ely Pouget) who has been working for Mr. Walker and this leads him to Jobe. Controlling the media, Jobe makes a bunch of cities riot so that everyone jacks in to connect to his world cyber power to escape their terrible reality. I guess he's trying to take over the world by making everyone tied to the digital world. Dr. Trace, Peter and his friends all go into cyberspace and destroy the digital versions of the chip as well as the real chip in the real world. This stops Jobe from taking over the world and returns him to his simple, but kind self.  

I'm currently very into  movies that deal with the visualization of the internet, I find it very fascinating. So I'm currently compiling a list of awesome cyber movies, and this one makes the Internet look pretty cool.  They put on glasses and jump into a 3D world, but they have to get permission to access it, so they can get kicked off.  In the digital world all the kids ride on cool motorcycles. There isn't much hacking involved, mostly just jumping into 3D Internet space.

I enjoyed this movie, I'll have to check out the original and see how they stand up to each other. I'm sure the first one is better, but we'll see.

Johnny Mnemonic

Watched August 31, 2014

1995
Starring: Keanu Reeves, Dina Meyer, Udo Kier, Dolph Lundgren

This movie falls into a similar category as Blade in my memory, I know that I have watched it before but I don't remember much about the movie and specifically to this one I recall it being pretty bad. This came out in 1995 which was right in the middle of my Entertainment Weekly reading days so I would read about just about any mainstream movie that came out and I remember that this was was anticipated but got terrible reviews. Surprisingly, my husband Alec wanted to watch this movie, he hates horror but seems to have some soft spot for '90s action/sci-fi movies.

In the future, there is an insane amount of crawl text. The future is a dystopia where corporations control everything. A virus NAS (and rapper) is ravaging the world and there is no cure. A rebel group, the Lo-Teks are fighting against the corporations. The internet connects everything, but the information is tracked so you can't share secrets. The work around for this are human information traffickers who have a portion of their memory removed and replace with digital memory.

Johnny Mnemonic (Keanu Reeves) is one such information courier. When her got the digital device implanted in his head, he sacrificed some memories of his childhood. He goes to his dealer Ralfi (Udo Kier) to negotiate getting the device removed. The surgery is very expensive, so Ralfi says that Johnny needs to do one more job. In Beijing, Johnny meets with his clients, they want to transport three times his capacity. He doesn't let them know that he can't safely hold the data as he wants the job so he can get out of the business. They load him with the data, it's transferred in such a way that he can't see what it is. It's locked with a visual code, that is three random images printed on a piece of paper. The images are faxed to the intended recipient, but it's interrupted when the corporate Yakuza show up and murder everyone. Somehow Johnny manages to escapes with one of the images since the fax didn't go through.

Johnny heads to the Newark, New Jersey where the information was to be delivered. When he is scanned at the airport, they recognize his implant as a dyslexia aid. He contacts Ralfi again to figure out what to do with the data, it turns out the Ralfi has been hired by the Yakuza to get the information that Johnny carries. Ralfi tries to get Johnny to the Yakuza but escapes with help from Jane (Dina Meyer). Johnny is having data leak problems because he has overwhelmed his capacity. Jane takes him to Spider (Henry Rollins) as street doctor. Spider taps into Johnny's brain, he says he can remove the implant but it will erase the data which is important. Spider lets them know that the data was intended for the Lo-Teks anyway.  The Corporation which has been revealed to be Pharakom, a giant pharmaceutical concern and they want the data, but so does the Yakuza. Spider is killed but before he dies he tells Johnny and Jane that Jones can help them. They find J-Bone (Ice-T) who helps them get to Jones. 

Jones is a dolphin. Yeah, let that sink in for a minute. Jones is a former Naval officer dolphin who now lives in a tiny tank hooked up to the internet. Jones helps Johnny connect to the net and get the information out. It turns out that the information as cure for NAS. The corporation didn't want it out because it was more profitable for them to treat the disease than cure it. The Lo-Teks release the information, then J-Bone, Johnny and Jane see the Pharmakom tower burst into flames.

A little research went along way to find out the first time director, Robert Longo was a well known artist and a friend of William Gibson who wrote the short story the film is based on. It shows that Robert Longo wasn't prepared to direct a big budget action movie. According to wikipedia, Longo and Gibson originally wanted to make a low budget short film. The story itself is neat, the dolphin part is pretty crazy though. The dialogue is terrible and the action scenes don't come together very well. 

One of the Yakuza has an awesome laser cutter that extends from him finger. I love when the internet is visualized as a cool interactive digital landscape, but it does date the movie terribly. There is also a super cool tower of TV's to show what is happening digitally. There is a lot of cool stuff in the movie, but it's still terrible. The romantic subplot with Johnny and Jane is so awkward and forced, when they kiss it doesn't make any sense.

Alien Intruder

Watched July 21, 2014

1993
Starring: Maxwell Caulfield, Billy Dee Williams, Tracy Scoggins.

The action kicks off right away with a laser gun fight on a space ship. Every man is for himself as there doesn't seem to be a right or wrong side. The main guy destroys the controls of the ship, then a mysterious raven haired woman appears which prompts the guy to commit suicide.

Jump to a maximum security prison, where Nick (Maxwell Caulfield) is incarcerated. Commander Skyler (Billy Dee Williams) is assembling a crew of promising inmates to be the crew on a mission to recover the ship from the first scene. He doesn't tell them this, instead he just tells them if the mission goes well they'll be rewarded with their freedom. Before they head out they all choose a virtual reality story to experience during their off time, by story I mean sexy lady.

They are headed for the mysterious sector G, Commander Skyler doesn't give them much information, he just wants them to keep the ship headed there. It doesn't matter much because they spent most of their time in their virtual reality scenarios.  Nick's fantasy involves him working out on an empty beach, once he goes to the beach house a naked lady waits for him, but he is distracted from that naked lady by a raven haired dream intruder, but she's super hot. Another member of the crew in in a Casablanca type black and white fantasy, where he is running a club, the singer of his club is the same raven haired lady, except she is in a terrible blond wig. The third crew member's VR fantasy is that he is a 1950s biker and he runs into the same lady at a gas station. The last fantasy is in the 1880s wild west, his woman is shot by the raven haired lady, she must be some sort of Alien intruder. Commander Skyler sees the woman, who he calls Ariel in his computer screen, and she is the force that is guiding him to sector G.

Pieces of their fantasies begin to appear during their waking lives. The Casablanca fantasy guy hears the song that the woman was singing as his dream club in the ship and freaks out. They make into sector G and find the ship that the first action scene took place on. I'm not sure if they're there to recover anything as they discover that everyone is dead. Ariel appears and pits all the men against each other, recreating the same scene from the beginning. But Nick is stronger than that, he doesn't want to bend to her will. After escaping in a little ship, he thinks he safe, but Ariel is there with him as the Alien Intruder.

This movie barely makes sense but it was still a lot of fun. It kicks of with a laser gun fight right away which is great. All the VR fantasy scenes are pretty silly but enjoyable. It's amazing how entertained I was without much information about why they were heading to sector G or why sector G was dangerous in the first place. I also don't know what the alien Ariel wants, is it just to kill everybody through seduction? There is plenty of T&A in this movie and it easily could have drifted into erotica territory but they keep it movie with the real laser action.

Cherry 2000

Watched June 8, 2013

1987
Starring: Melanie Griffith, David Andrews, Ben Johnson, Marshall Bell.

I watched this right after Escape from L.A. and there are several similarities that make the pairing make sense even if the movies themselves don't. They are both futuristic dystopias with a western theme. This one has the added features of romance and robots that are lacking in Escape from L.A. Also Escape from L.A. takes place completely at night while Cherry 2000 mostly takes place in the bright desert daytime.

Sam Treadwell (David Andrews) happily works at a recycling factory and comes home to his perfect wife, Cherry 2000 (Pamela Gidley). She's perfect because she's a robot. She makes him a hamburger dinner, washes his dishes, has sex with him and listens to him complain about his day. They make out on the kitchen floor as the washing machine showers them with sudsy bubbles. The water is too much for Cherry, it causes her to malfunction and she shuts down completely. Sam is distraught and takes her to the local robot repairman, unfortunately the water damage is too extensive and Cherry cannot be fixed. The Cherry 2000 is a rare robot model and very difficult to replace. Sam has his specific Cherry's memory chip on a micro CD ( it looks identical to the micro CD technology used in Escape from L.A.) Sam cannot image replacing Cherry with a different robot model. His work friends take him to a bar to try to have sex with real women. The bar is super awesome futuristic with crazy hair and make up. Hooking up in the future is extra technical where contracts are signed before anything happens. Sam has been out of the scene with his robot for so long that he doesn't have any paperwork about his abilities so all the real women shun him. He decides he has to get a new Cherry 2000, but that requires leaving Anaheim for the lawless wasteland of Nevada.

Sam heads out the wild west wastes of Nevada where he tries to hire a Tracker who will get his robot for him. All the guys at the saloon laugh at him when he says he wants a Cherry 2000, but he is told to find E. Johnson. E. Johnson turns out to be Melanie Griffith, Sam balks at hiring a woman but no one else will take the job. They drive off together to get the job done. This is where it gets pretty crazy but still formulaic. I barely believe that Melanie Griffith could use a gun or track down anything but she is still charming.  They drive into the wastelands where trackers are banned, so they are constantly shot at. They have to cross a river at one point and they do so by getting a magnetic crane to pick up their car. Then the car is dropped down a drainage pipe, all while being both shot at and shooting people themselves. E. Johnson pretends to be tough, but there is some instant chemistry with Sam, even though he's a city weenie who's in love with a robot.

They are constantly getting captured then escaping and being shot at by a lot of people but never hit. The abandoned robot factory is in Las Vegas, which has been covered by sand dunes. I don't really understand why the desert is off limits but still protected by this guy Bill (Marshall Bell) and his cronies. They get into the factory and find a Cherry 2000 model, Sam activates her with his specific wife micro CD. They try to escape in the plane that got them there, but it's now too heavy with three people. E. Johnson volunteers to hop out as her job was getting Sam his robo-wife, so she's technically done.  At the last minute, Sam realizes that a real woman is so much better than a robot, so he dumps out Cherry and picks up E. Johnson. They fly off into the sunset together. Cherry 2000 is left to rust in the desert, but finds Bill's girlfriend who offers her a sandwich that she doesn't understand.

I'm not sure if I would have cast Melanie Griffith in an action role, but she manages to pull it off fairly well. The plot is minimal so you know what will happen by the end, but they definitely fill every possible minute with crazy action even if it is nonsense. There are some intentional jokes along the way, so you're not supposed to take it too seriously. I would recommend it just for the bar scenes because everyone is dressed so awesomely.

Escape from L.A.

Watched June 8, 2013

1996
Starring: Kurt Russell, Steve Buscemi, Georges Corraface, Stacy Keach, Pam Grier.

After some terrible earthquakes and flooding in the late 1990's, LA breaks off from the continental US and turns into a island. There is a conservative uprising with the the president revoking term limits and the US becomes a extremist conservative state. Instead of like in Escape from New York, where Manhattan island is turned into a penal colony, all sorts of miscreants are now sent to the island of LA. The president's daughter, Utopia (A.J. Langer) while on airforce 3 steals a top secret briefcase and takes it to LA, where she hooks up with Cuervo (Georges Corraface) a radical who want to use it to attack the US. It is now the year 2013, Snake Plissken (Kurt Russell) is once again hired by the government to go in and retrieve, not the president this time, but the briefcase. He is given an 8 hour time limit by infecting him with a secret disease that only they have the antidote to, so he got to hussle before he dies in there. The government plays it like they finally captured Snake and are just dumping him in LA, like they do to everyone who breaks the strict morality code.

 Since this movie was made in the mid-90's, Snake is given a terrible CG single person submarine which he uses to arrive on the island. It's also supposed to be the way he gets off the island once he's done but it falls into the water instead of staying docked on the beach. He immediately meets some surfers, including Peter Fonda and they all know the legend of Snake Plissken. Off he goes on his completely ridiculous mission that is really a serious of strange interactions and battles. Of course my favorite part is Bruce Campbell as the General Plastic Surgeon of LA, who's face is a grotesque mash up of all the common procedures like a super straight nose, naturally killer chin and huge cheek implants.

Everyone is contantly shooting at Snake while recognizing him, but he barely gets a scratch. He meets up with Map to the Stars Eddie (Steve Buscemi) who you think is just trying to help him get around but ends up double crossing him. Snake finds Cuervo but is captured and forced to play basketball for his life. Snake is the first person to win this full court shot challenge, but Cuervo tries to kill him anyway. Snake manages to get the briefcase that contains the micro CD that the president wants back. The micro CD contains the world codes to activate specific satellites that can knock out the power to any country. There is also a world code that would trigger the shut down of the entire world. 

After some more crazy things like hang gliding on the Santa Ana winds and surfing the canyons on an aftershock tsunami, Snake manages to steal a helicopter. He grabs Utopia, the briefcase and makes it to the mainland just in time for the virus they gave him to completely take hold. The virus was a ruse though, it was the run of the mill flu.  The president and his men are waiting there and they retrieve the briefcase and shoot Snake, but Snake was using special holographic technology they had given him to trick them. He then takes the real disc and uses it to shut down the entire world so everyone gets a fresh start. I guess he then had to find a nice tree to hide under as he got over his flu symptoms.

By no means does this movie compare with Escape from New York, but it's some silly fun. The tone is all over the place, with serious stuff tempered by some goofy moments. The soundtrack features then popular hard rock from bands I thought sucked in high school like Stabbing Westward, Gravity Kills, and Tool along with some strange western tinged songs that give it a future western vibe.  The CGI looks terribly dated, but the other special effects hold up pretty well. It is definitely a sequel in repeating the plot of the first but not making a progressive strides to let it stand apart. It was fun to coincidentally watch it in the year that it's supposed to take place, I should keep an eye out for that with more future past movies.

Class of 1999

Watched August 7, 2012

1990
Starring: Bradley Gregg, Traci Lind, Malcolm McDowell, Stacy Keach and yet again, that little gross out Joshua John Miller.

I was in high school in 1999 and boy it would have been a lot cooler and more fashionable if it looked like this. This movie takes place in a 1999 of the future. A section of Seattle has gotten so out of control that it's declared a free weapon zone where there are no police, like Escape from New York, except it's not a prison. All the kids still have to go to school. Principal Langford (Malcolm McDowell) has hired Dr. Forrest (Stacy Keach) and his kill-bot cyborgs to be retrained as teachers.  That's how out of control these kids are, they need really tough robots to keep them hitting the books. Cody (Bradley Gregg) has just gotten out of jail and is heading back to school. He is part of the Blackhearts gang, who all have adorable black hearts  tattooed  on their bodies. He's trying to be good to stay in school, because if he acts out or starts fights it's back to jail with him. The future drug of choice is "edge", which is snorted up the nose. I love weird future drugs, especially the "mist" in Prayer of the Rollerboys.

The robot teachers  (Pam Grier, Patrick Kilpatrick, John P. Ryan) begin by doing a fair job of keeping the kids in line. But it doesn't take long for their soldier programming to override their teaching abilities and they start being the crap out of the kids, including Cody.  No one believes Cody when he says that he was beaten by a teacher and that he saw one of them snap the neck of a student.  Cody's love interest is Christine (Traci Lind) who also happens to be the daughter of the principal. He begins investigating the teacher and he takes her along to the house where all the teachers live. Christine is clued into something being off when she discovers that Pam Grier only has a bra with no matching underwear. She concludes that only robots would have mismatched undergarments.

The robo-teachers are so bent on messing with the kids that they set up the two gangs to have a big shoot out. They're also convinced that Cody is the lead troublemaker, so they're really just trying to kill him.  After the gang battle, Cody manages to convince the head of the rival gang the Razorheads that the teachers are robo-soldiers trying to kill them all. They head to to school where the teachers show their true robot abilities by having flamer throwers, guns and claws for hands.  Principal Langford tries to stop Dr. Forrest since he controls the robo-teachers but Dr. Forrest is just a greedy capitalist who wants to make money by selling his robo-teachers to all the schools in the country (I think?) Cody and Christine manage to destroy the robots and escape the burning rubble of their school to fight another day.

The biggest fault for me with this movie, even though it was very enjoyable, is that if these kids hate school so much why do they go? Kids drop out of school all the time. I have the same issue with Class of 1984, but I have to say I enjoyed this movie much more than Class of 1984. The fashions are fantastic. I think the main gang attire of the Blackhearts are pink flowing scarves. So if nothing else it's fun to see the crazy outfits that are supposed to look tough, including tie-dyed leggings. This movie is very much a rip off of The Terminator,  Escape from New York and a little Rock 'n' Roll High School but that doesn't make it any less fun to watch.

The FP

Watched July 31, 2012

2011
Starring: Jason Trost, Lee Valmassy, Art Hsu and Caitlyn Folley

This movie is totally awesome!
It takes place in the not too distant future. There are two gangs in the FP  (Frazier Park) and they battle for street cred by having Beat Beat Revelation competitions. JTRO (Jason Trost) and his brother BTRO (Brandon Barrera) are in one gang competing against L Dubba E (Lee Valmassy). In the final battle of Beat Beat, the game pad is connecting to electricity so it can kill you if you don't do well. BTRO is 187'd by L Dubba E and JTRO is devastated by the death of his brother.

One year later JTRO is working at a lumberjack having given up on the gang. His old friend KCDC (Art Hsu) comes to get him,  telling him that the whole FP has been taken over by L Dubba E and he controls the one liquor store in town. Apparently if people can't get their liquor they turn to hard drugs.  Plus all the ducks have left which is a really big deal.  JTRO reluctantly comes back to the FP to avenge his brother.  He's really out of shape so there are multiple training montages to get him back into proper Beat Beat Revolution shape. While he back in town he runs into his crush Stacy (Caitlyn Folley), she is pretty much the worst, but JTRO likes her anyway. There is a spectacularly amazing scene that makes no sense at all.  JTRO has a bad day training so KCDC hands him a tampon since he's so bad he must be a women.  Later that day JTRO is hanging out with Stacy in a playground. She is digging in the sand and JTRO is confused to why she is doing that.  She says she's digging around to find a rag, because this is a good spot to look. WHAT!? Luckily JTRO has a tampon so he gives it to her. We had to rewatch this scene because it was so crazy.  It does show that Stacy is the trashiest, so all the slutty things she does aren't surprising.

Finally JTRO gets good enough to challenge L Dubba E to a major Beat Beat Battle. JTRO wins the Beat Beat Revolution battle, but doesn't kill L Dubba E. This leads to a crazy gunfight. In the end JTRO and his gang win over the town and the ducks come back. I won't spoil the last scene by the lake but it's unexpected and true to character.  I couldn't think of a better way to end the movie.

I have to believe that everyone on this movie had a blast making it.  I love ridiculous battles, especially life and death video game battles. L Dubba E has some of the greatest jumpsuits ever made. The imagery of this movies rules, and the slang is extra ridiculous.  I highly recommend this movie, it's fun, silly and ridiculous.