Sketch Artist

 Watched November 17, 2024

 

1992

Starring: Jeff Fahey, Sean Young, Drew Barrymore, Tchéky Karyo

Director: Phedon Papamichael 

 

Starts with a couple having a sex in a 90s modern office. She leaves, she's an escort, he relaxes on the couch. Then he is murdered!

 

Jack Witfield (Jeff Fahey) works for the police as a sketch artist, but he is not a detective. He is married to successful architect Rayanne (Sean Young). He drinks and smokes a lot. He's at home when she gets come home in a cab from a business trip. His car is broken down. They have a modest craftsman bungalow and seem to be on hard times even though she's very successful.

Daisy (Drew Barrymore) is a messenger who goes to the office to find the first dude dead- we saw him shot by someone and Drew is the only eye witness to who left the office. The police arrive and question Daisy about what she saw. In comes Jack as the very famous sketch artist to get a visual based on her description. They go back to the police station where Jack sketches as they both smoke and Daisy describes the person. Jack ends up sketching his wife!? NO, it couldn't be, so he quickly changes the sketch. Because the Sergeant is really waiting on that sketch!!!

 

Daisy turns up dead. 

Jack is having issues with his marriage to Rayanne. It turns out that Rayanne worked on the Silver Fashion building as an architect and that's where the murder took place!

 

Jack comes home to several of Rayanne's friends hanging out, it's an after work party. Rayanne is changing in her room, Jack's not into the party. Rayanne wears a tight sweater with no bra and then puts on tights leggings! It's not enough clothes!

Jack steals clues from the crime scene. The police bring in a person who looks like the fake sketch that Jack made. She's a freelance photographer that has worked for Silver Fashion Studios and she happened to ask Jack for a light when he arrived a the murder crime scene. Jack steals the photographer's open convertible, because he still doesn't have a working car. Jack follows the other head of Silver Fashion Studios, Paul (Tchéky Karyo) to his house and takes photos of him having weird poolside sex with the wife of the murdered guy.

Jack meets the Paul at the factory but then calls Rayanne asking her to bring his gun because he didn't have it with him. At the Silver Fashion factory, it's empty and Paul shows up and plans to kill Jack. But Rayanne is sneaking up behind Paul, so Jack thinks he's in the clear. Turns out Rayanne is the person Daisy saw leaving that night and described to Jack but he just couldn't believe it. Rayanne is having an affair with Paul BUT before they can shoot Jack he shares his photos of Paul having sex with other lady and Rayanne thought she was the only one so she shoots Paul.

Interesting genre of made for cable R rated movie. Funny premise that the sketch artist is super crucial to solving crimes. Jack takes off his shirt a lot. Jack and Rayanne seem like a real mismatch, so it's not a suprise it all goes bad.

Cade: The Tortured Crossing

 

Watched April 13, 2024

 

2023

Starring: Neil Breen

Director: Neil Breen

I haven't seen Twisted Pair, this is the sequel so...? This is all green screen on still backgrounds or stock footage. It's a trip to see if they are able to walk up the stairs in their still image set, and most of the time they are not.

 

Cade (Neil Breen) calls Long Hair Doctor (Gwendolyn Brown), she's standing outside a fancy old building in Europe as the stock footage shows us. Cade says he's on his way and gets in his Ferrari. On the drive, he stops to help some people who are trapped in a car but then attacked by masked folks. He makes it to the event in the fancy building. He's never been to the hospital before but he's going to help. Stock footage of clapping at three difference conferences. After the party, Dr. Kurtz (Nicole Butler) and Long Hair Doctor talk to Cade about how great it is that's he going to help the hospital.

 

The hospital is beyond horribly run down, it's abandoned and overgrown, with dirty mattresses, broken windows, and mold everywhere. There are the two doctors, Dr. Kurtz and Long Hair and somewhere between 4-7 patients. Dr. Kurtz and Long Hair take the patients in a Ford Explorer on a field trip. The driver is clearly drinking from empty bottles but he shouldn't be drinking at all. They make all the patients throw out their crutches before they get into the car. They get into a horrible accident, they were already sick and hurt in someway before. The driver dies I guess, we don't see him again.  They need to get moving before they lose the light.

Cade happens to be walking in their field and he says he can help as he lives nearby. Before Cade take the group back to his home he fights a white tiger who turns into a buxom lady in a white dress, CGI whoa! Dr. Kurtz and Long Hair are either playing different characters or just don't recognize Cade because they call him a stranger. They walk on to his castle, he has 30 bedrooms but just one background. This is where Long Hair gets her name, she lets down four feet of her hair to try to seduce Cade, but he is not into it. Even though the castle is large, the rest of the patients just lay down on the floor and go to sleep. During the night one of the patients gets up to run way...? They all make it back to the hospital I guess.

 

Cade's twin brother Cale is stealing blood and drugs from the patients who are being experimented on. The patients are also helpers in the hospital. I guess the two women could be doctors and separate nurse and patients??? There is apparently a human trafficking plot where Cale is stealing people off the street and bringing them to the hospital for experiments? There are a group of police officers who don't do anything. The patients cry out, bleed from their mouths and eyes and but the doctors don't do anything.

 

One of the patients plays the keyboard in their room. Later the group goes outside and does a synchronized dance number to the keyboard song- best part of the movie!

 

Cale tells us the medicine isn't working for him. It's hard to tell if he's a real person or a ghost anyway. It doesn't seem like anyone sees him aside from Cade. 

 

Cade and the Dr. Kurtz fall in love, of course. Cade trains the patients to fight. They all disappear after the super big fight with the hooded characters. Cade first tells Dr. Kurtz that he has to leave, then he immediately changes his mind. The cops show up after the battle. Cade kills Cale with a magic sword because Cale is dying of face mutation. Uh...the end. He fixes the hospital.

 

All the trademarks of a Neil Breen joint but all green screen! The dialogue doesn't make sense or really move the plot forward, just talking. Who is running this hospital?  There really isn't a through line about anything. Cade is not a savior and Cale isn't an antagonist.

Fateful Findings

Watched March 25, 2022

 

2013 (gives way more 2005-06 vibes)

Written and Directed and Everything-ed by Neil Breen 

Starring: Neil Breen, Klara Landrat, Jennifer Autry

 

What's the deal with Neil Breen? I'm late to the game on this one.

Blue sky and buildings, two kids walk through a high desert forest and field. They find a mushroom under a tall pine. It transforms into a glass box, inside is a black cube stone. Dylan takes it and Leah takes some beads that were outside the box. She writes " It's a magical day" in her journal. They walk back home. Soon or possibly the next day, Leah's family moves away and Dylan is very upset. Leah hangs out the car window waving, very unsafely. She has laced the magical beads into a bracelet. V/O informs us that Dylan never saw Leah again after that day.

Cut to present day, Dylan (Neil Breen) is now an adult married to Emily (Klara Landrat). While talking to Emily on his cell phone, Dylan approaches a cross walk. He has a walk sign but is hit by a car. Luckily he's holding the special black cube stone he found as a kid. From the car accident, he has severe head trauma. People show up to help but all we see are their feet. The lady who hit him gets out of the car but we don't see her face.

Dylan is taken to the hospital. He has a cast that covers three quarters of his face, including his nose and mouth, but on top of that is an with an oxygen mask. Emily comes to visit. She kept talking to him on the phone after he got hit by the car. The first doctor says Dylan is in critical condition. They bring in a Neurologist, it's Leah (Jennifer Autry)! But Dylan can't see her because of his face cast and Leah reveals later she didn't read his name on his chart anyway. She checks his pulse.  Dylan's good friend Jim (David Silva) comes to visit him too. Maybe with the connection from Leah's bracelet is how Dylan got better, but he rips out two IV's that are taped to his arm and walks out of the hospital. Yes, we see his butt hanging out of his gown, more Breen nudity to come! He walks home, still bleeding from his head. He gets in the shower, and Emily gets in too with her slip on. Dylan keeps bleeding from his head as Emily hugs him and tries to kiss his face cast.

The doctors figure out Dylan left, but they can't do anything about it. Feeling better, Dylan tries to work on his next book that his publisher keeps bugging him about. Dylan's office has a bunch of laptops but they are never turned on.

 After Dylan's head injury, he starts to space out and go to his void and black plastic walled place where he's naked. Dylan stops taking his pills but Emily starts taking them. They fight about her pill addiction. Dylan goes to his pyschotherapist in a giant conference room. He is prescribed the medication that Emily takes.

Meanwhile, the other couple Jim and Amy (Victoria Viveiros) get drunk and fight. They don't have sex anymore, but Amy's job at the office at the bank is very stressful. Every woman in this movie wears tank tops and jeans. Dylan and Emily invite them over for wine, beer and sliced bread dinner. Dylan ask Jim's daughter Aly (Danielle Andrade) about school projects, but Jim says Dylan wouldn't be interested in that stuff but he is and that means a lot to Amy.

Dylan keeps hacking. Dylan and Emily reconnect in his office by throwing books, computers and papers off the desk then rip each other's shirts off and then have "sex." They invite Amy and Jim and Aly to a BBQ by their pool. They also invite Dylan's neurologist and her fiance. Leah didn't know Dylan was in the cast because she didn't read his chart?! Leah and Dylan don't know who the other is until Leah's
"it's a magical day" notebook falls out of her pocket and Dylan picks it up. They hold hands even though Dylan is married and Emily is right there. Jim gets drunk at the BBQ, gropes Emily and knocks over a plate of hot dogs.

Aly comes over to use Dylan and Emily's pool, she takes off her top, Dylan is home. Then she takes a bubble bath. She tries to seduce Dylan, but he tells her she needs to stop it. 

Amy is fed up with Jim, so she pulls a gun on him while he is waxing his Ferrari in the garage, the thing he does all the time.  She threatens to shoot the car, instead she shoots and kills Jim. Aly walks in and sees her dad dying but Amy won't let her go to him. Amy tells Aly that it was suicide and to call 911. Aly sees her step-mom stage it as suicide. Dylan just happens to come over, he grabs Jim and smears blood all over his face as he cradles Jim. 

Emily keeps taking pills. Dylan runs into Leah walking around a duck pond. They reconnect and find the treasure box and they have sex under the pine tree. Meanwhile Emily overdoses on pills and dies. Dylan finds Emily dead, he is sad for five seconds but then is with Leah.

 Dylan tells Leah about his hacking of government secrets. He eat a spinach pile on a plate while she watches. He puts the plate on top of an unstable paper pile and it all falls over, then they laugh. Dylan is worried about telling Leah about his hacking secrets. As they sleep a mysterious pair of legs/shoes gets into their house and shakes a mirror around that drips blood. Leah is kidnapped while on the phone with Dylan, but the kidnapper drops his note about where he is supposed to take her. She is in the trailer outside the storage facility . Dylan uses the magic stone to walk through the unlocked trailer and save her. 

Dylan then has a big press conference telling about his hacking. Various banks, insurance brokers, senators come up, state their wrongdoings then die by suicide: gun, pills, slit wrists. Dylan and Leah walk off into the field together. The End.

This is a Neil Breen production all the way, he did everything. He made up fake costuming, make up and catering companies to fill in the credits bu then reveals that anything starting with NB is a Neil Breen company.

Neil is comfortable in his naked body and wants to share that onscreen. The sex scenes are creepy, like he paid women actors so he could touch them. I've seen worse movies. The runtime is 100 minutes but it strangely moves even though the pacing is beyond strange. The character of Dylan doesn't care about his friend's death or his wife's death. It's never explained why Dylan and Emily are having problems. The other couple doesn't really get to what their problem is, aside from they both drink, don't have sex anymore and Amy is too busy at her job. Both couple have conversations that are strangely circular and reveal nothing. There is a wispy thing that moves across the screen. Did Dylan always have powers from the stone or they were unlocked with the car crash? The computers being off and the limited locations hint that this could all be taking place in his mind. It's super weird, terribly acted but one of a kind.

Relentless

Watched July 14, 2014

1989
Starring: Leo Rossi, Robert Loggia, Judd Nelson, Meg Foster.

New York police officer Sam Dietz (Leo Rossi) has just gotten a promotion to detective but it comes with relocating to Los Angeles. At his new station, he is partnered with old pro Bill Malloy ( Robert Loggia) and their first case is investigating a man who was murdered in his bathroom. 

At the same time Buck Taylor (Judd Nelson) just got a letter from the police department that he failed the psychological part of his application to join the force. He is obviously maladjusted so this is just the thing that pushes him over the edge. He grabs the phone book, picks a number and decides to murder that person. 

Sam jumps in to trying to figure out who killed the guy in the shower, but his partner is reigning him in a bit. Buck continues to pick random people out of the phone book to murder. He is very careful about his kills, wearing gloves and leaving minimal evidence. But he does leave a note written on the page of the phone book that he used to find his victim. 

Buck has flashbacks to his childhood, it turns out that his father was a well respected cop. It also turns out that his dad was a total nutjob who abused Buck and trained him to be a police officer from the age of 5. What was when he taught him to shoot a gun and was disappointed that his wasn't an instant marksman. He also would make Buck do obstacle courses while shooting at him, so there is no surprise that Buck turned into a serial killer.

Sam puts several people to work doing file searches to find clues to who the murder could be, all the while Buck keeps killing. It turns out that the first man who was killed came into the police station to report a death threat call, but the cops didn't do anything about it. Sam keeps putting the clues together and figures out that Buck is the main suspect, but this as Buck finds Sam's wife and kid and takes them hostage. Sam shoots Buck multiple times and that ends the serial killings.

Judd Nelson is pretty creepy as a serial killer, but this movie is just pretty standard. Meg Foster plays Sam's wife and she has the craziest see through eyes, it is destracting from her fine performance as a concerned wife. Judd Nelson also wears these pretty crazy '50s outfits that in 1989 were probably terrible but are pretty hip today. His murder outfit is super crazy though,  an all black outfit of mock turtleneck with cut off cuffs and waistband and high waisted jeans.

Skeeter

Watched January 19, 2014

1993
Starring: Tracy Griffith, Jim Youngs, Charles Napier, Jay Robinson

I picked this VHS up a couple days after I bought Ticks and I was super excited that it would create a nice theme of enlarged killer inects. We waiting awhile to watch it and I was super excited. I guess I expected too much because this was terrible.

It begins with a bunch of construction workers dumping toxic waste into a mine shaft, it reminded me a little of the beginning of Jurassic Park. Cut to our hero, Roy (Jim Youngs) welding a sculpture without a shirt on. It turns out he is an officer on the local county police squad. He heads to work on his motorcycle, still shirtless, but by the time he gets there he finally puts his uniform on.

We then see a empty hill that suddenly fills with mourners, like it's a ghost funeral. No, it's a real funeral for Sarah's mom. Sarah (Tracy Griffith) moved away awhile ago and is only back for this sad event. It turns out that Roy and Sarah used to be a couple in high school. Nothing like the death of a parent to rekindle an old romance.

Roy and his partner get called out to some strange cases where people seem to have been attacked by something unknown. Two teens on motorcycles go missing. All the pieces of the plot do come together.  This is a small farming town has been bought up and turned into a suburban home development. Most of the inhabitants got bought out except for Sarah's dad. There is apparently a lot of toxic waste left over from building homes, and the developers have been illegally dumping it in the area abandoned mines. Even though this town seems real dry, there is enough stagnant water for mutant mosquitoes to breed. I haven't mentioned the mosquitoes yet because it takes a long time for them to show up in the movie and they're all I want to see. 

Roy begins to put together that giant mosquitoes are killing people, but then he is kidnapped. He manages to escape and it turns out that the sheriff has been orchestrating this whole thing all along. He's been making money off the real estate development and dumping the chemicals. There is the epic conclusion in the mosquito mine, Sarah barely escapes with the help of Roy and the sheriff is burnt up in the mine. 

The end is super weird where it seems like Sarah and Roy have reconnected but then she leaves because she hates this town and he feels obligated to stay and save it. There is a super gross sex scene between Sarah and Roy that I could have done without. This falls into the strange category of barely a horror movie in my book. It's more like a drama with a light supernatural element because it really doesn't deliver on the mosquito attacks. At least in Ticks, they show you how and why the ticks become giant mutants. This movie was very slow and dull, even the giant mosquitoes couldn't save it.

Jack's Back

Watched November 17, 2013

1988
Starring: James Spader, Cynthia Gibb, Robert Picardo,

I don't think I comprehended how much I like James Spader until I saw this movie. It's not so much that his performance is outstanding, it's more that you seen him shirtless a lot. When I picked up the VHS, I knew that it wasn't straight up horror but I figured it would be some fun as the premise is based around a serial killer.

A serial killer has begun killing prostitutes on the 100th anniversary of the Jack the Ripper murders. The police are on the case but they don't have much to go on, but they do end up linking all the prostitutes to a health clinic. John (James Spader) is a doctor who works at the clinic and is also curious about the connection to the clinic. He begins to do his own research trying to figure out who the murderer may be. He is suspicious of one of the clinic technicians, Jack (Rex Ryon) so he follows him after work. John finds him at the apartment of clinic's patients, he busts in to see that the woman covered in blood. Jack tries to flee with John in pursuit, they end up in a city government building, where Jack says he just was giving the woman an abortion, but they he tries to strangle Jack. They get in a big tussle, it ending with Jack hanging John to make it look like a suicide. 

*SPOILER* Cut to John waking up from a nightmare, or so we think. It's not John, but his twin brother Rick who through some weird twin connection saw the murder. The cops think it was a suicide because they also think that John is the serial killer. Rick is now on the mission to clear his brother's name and find the real killer. Rick meets up with Chris (Cynthia Gibb) who worked with John at the clinic. They have some instant chemistry, but Rick doesn't know exactly how to clear his brother's name. The cops question Rick and they hypnotize him since he claims to have details about John's murder. In his hypnotic state he relives the last moments on John's life and sees who killed John, it was Jack! They find Jack but can't link him to any of the prostitute murders. Several people come up as witnesses that John couldn't have committed some of the murders because he was out of town on a business conference. The killer is still out there and the cops now think it's Rick. 

Rick has another hunch and goes to the house where Jack lives and steals a bag that has some dirty latex gloves in it, tying Jack to the murder of the last woman that was killed the night that John was also murdered. The real killer is preparing to kill again. He heads to Chris's house where she is sleeping. He breaks in, in turns out the real killer is the head of the clinic and a total asshole as we have seen throughout the film. Luckily Rick busts through the window to save Chris and the cops show up because they were following Rick, thinking he was the killer.

Chris and Rick embrace and the end but they don't kiss which makes sense because they both were almost murdered. There aren't any sex scenes in the movie, which is a little bit of a letdown but is also really logical because Rick just lost his brother and people are being murdered left and right which isn't really a turn on, for most people anyway.

Since he plays twins you get twice the James Spader action, you get straight laced doctor Spader and bad boy shoe salesman Spader, who wears sleeveless shirts. If you don't like James Spader, don't watch this movie, but otherwise it's a good thriller with some cool twists.

The Day of the Dolphin

Watched October 13, 2013

1973
Starring: George C. Scott, Trish Van Devere, Paul Sorvino, Edward Herrmann

Before watching this movie, all I knew about it was from The Simpsons Treehouse of Horror episode that parodies it. That episode is pretty great so I figured the source material should be at least a little fun. The tagline on the back of the box is " He unwittingly trained a dolphin to assisinate the president."

Dr. Jake Terrell (George C. Scott) is a marine biologist who has been working with a dolphin named Alpha on an island lab. He has been keeping the exact scope of his work a secret but some pieces of it have leaked out regarding teaching the dolphin to talk. Curtis Mahoney (Paul Sorvino) is a reporter who makes his way onto the island to try to discover what is the nature of the research. Dr. Terrell and his wife Maggie (Trish Van Devere) get a little warning on this and hide Alpha, instead letting Curtis on see Beta, the new female dolphin.  I'm not sure why Dr. Terrell is so secretive about his research, but he does think that what he is working on with Alpha could be used for evil.

Dr. Terrell ultimately does give a presentation of Alpha's speaking abilities to bunch of old men, who have some sort of sway. Alpha answers Dr. Terrell's questions, the men aren't totally impressed and they keep asking Alpha weird questions that he can't answer.

The group of old men are some sort of secret organization and they steal Alpha and Beta. This is where we learn of their plan. Since Alpha can speak and understand specific commands they plan on using him to blow up the president's yacht. They do this by strapping a backpack bomb on Alpha that is magnetized and when Alpha swims under the boat it will attach to the hull.  It's a very strange plan and is ultimately foiled because Alpha puts the bomb underneath the bad guys boat.

If you really like dolphins perhaps you'll enjoy this film, there is a lot of footage of the dolphins just frolicking in the water. When the dolphins talk it sounds terrible, lots of Fa loves Bea and Fa love Pa. Fa being a shorter version of Alpha and Bea a shortened version of Beta. It's such a strange concept that you might think it would be more enjoyable but it's long and boring. One of the stranger scenes is when Dr. Terrell is showing Curtis his reel to reel tapes of Alpha progressing with language. Instead of just playing one at a time he just starts playing one after the other so they're all playing horrible dolphins sounds layered on top of each other.

Allure

Watched September 22, 2013

1999
Starring: Sam Ball, Judi Croon, Jennifer Fleming, Eric Gunther

I found this on the street in New York sometime around 2002.  By the title I thought it might be some homemade porn, but oh no it's something very different. Even moving across the country several times I have kept this movie as it's a favorite.

A college student is studying in the library where he is given a flyer to a singles mixer. The lady flirts with him as she gives him the flyer and promises she'll be there if he comes. He goes to the mixer at a bar and there aren't a lot of people there but he lady does show up. They do tequila shots together and she suggest they ditch this place and go to a real party. They head to a rave that has about 6 people at it even though the director tries to make it seem crowded. The lady suggests they do some drugs, she doesn't say what. The student is reluctant but is quickly convinced, my guess is that he just wants to have sex with her. She gives him 2 pills of something and they keep kissing. Not long after he doesn't feel very well, he goes to the bathroom and collapses.

It's morning when we see him again, and he's in an abandoned warehouse sitting in a bathtub full of ice. There is a phone by him, it rings and a woman tells him to call 911. Some flashbacks show that all the people at the rave took him into a surgery room and stole his kidney.

It ends with some text saying the black market for kidneys is very lucrative but it also says that the American Medical Association doesn't verify that that the market exists at all.

While looking up some reference images for this post I came across the Snopes article about kidney theft. It's an urban legend that goes back to the early '90s that also had a resurgence in the mid-1990's, but there is no real proof to it.

This movie is short and strange and that's why I like it.  I guess I also enjoy it because you really don't think that it will end up with him getting a kidney stolen. It does have an IMDB page: Allure, but I'm not sure where you could find a copy. I guess keep your eyes peeled on the street when someone throws it out.

Switchblade Sisters

Watched September 15, 2013

1975
Starring: Robbie Lee, Joanne Nail, Monica Gayle, Asher Brauner

This movie changed my life. I first saw it between high school and college; I absolutely loved it. I brought it up at movie night to make sure that everyone got a chance to see it, as it's a personal favorite.

Lace (Robbie Lee) is the leader of the Dagger Debs, the sister gang to the Silver Daggers. At the local burger joint she runs into Maggie (Joanne Nail) a girl without a gang. They get into a fight and the police show up. All the girls are taken to juvenile detention.  Maggie is about to be molested by the warden Mom Smackley when all the Dagger Debs come to her rescue. Since Maggie doesn't have a gang she's invited by Lace to join the Dagger Debs. Lace is still stuck in the joint when Maggie is released. Lace gives Maggie a note to give to her boyfriend Dom (Asher Brauner), the leader of the Daggers. Maggie gives the note to Dom at the gang's hangout but he reads it in front of everyone and it's romantic and personal. That night Dom goes to Maggie's apartment and rapes her, which is super messed up. Lace is released and she introduces Maggie to Dom and the gang, not knowing that Dom already raped Maggie. Patch (Monica Gayle) is super suspicious of Maggie joining the gang, so she mentions that Maggie has to do a job to prove her allegiance. The task she is given is stealing a medallion from Crabs (Chase Newhart) the leader of the rival gang. Maggies manages to do this and is welcomed into the gang. Crabs and his gang retaliate by shooting Dom's brother Guido and gang raping his girlfriend Cherry. Maggie has the idea to attack Crabs's gang at the roller rink where they hang out on Friday nights. Maggie knows the turf because she used to live in that part of town.

Meanwhile Lace tries to reconnect with Dom and informs him that at the juvenile detention she found out she's pregnant. Dom doesn't care and throws her some money to get an abortion. Lace talks to Patch who convinces her that Maggie is making the moves on Dom and that's why he has become distant. 

At the roller rink, everyone is just skating around and all seems cool. Then the Silver Daggers and Dagger Debs attack! But Crabs's gang has their own weapons and they fight back. Dom is shot and Lace is kicked in the stomach. Dom doesn't make it,  Lace recovers at the hospital, but she lost the baby. Maggie knows that someone tipped off Crabs because how else would he have known about this attack. Lace plays it cool when all the girls visit her at the hospital, but reveals to Patch that she told Crabs about the attack because he promised he would take Maggie out. 

Maggie gathers all the girls together to take a stand. The Silver Daggers, now that their leader Dom is dead don't support the girls. The girls break away from the Daggers and rename themselves the Jezebels. Maggie goes to the local black radical gang for more muscle to figure out how to get their revenge on Crabs. It's obvious that Maggie is the new leader but Lace shows up and makes it look like she's in charge.  They all plan the big attack and Maggie is adamant that Crabs must be taken alive to figure out who ratted out the previous attack.

Crabs and his gang have a front where they give out free meals to kids, but I guess they use that as a front to get them addicted to drugs. All the girls attack Crabs's gang with Molotov cocktails and assault vehicles. It's a bad ass attack with the Jezebels and the black radical gang beating down Crabs's gang. Maggie corners Crabs and is about to figure out who squealed but Lace and Patch show up. Patch shoots Crabs and says that he was gonna run. Maggie is pissed.

Back at the gang hangout all the girls are celebrating their victory, they even got a special cake. Lace on the verge of completely losing her hold on the gang and doesn't know what to do. Patch helps Lace get it together and they both accuse Maggie of being the traitor who got Dom killed. Maggie challenges Lace to a one on one fight to prove her innocence. They have a vicious switchblade fight that ends with Maggie stabbing Lace in the throat. The cops show up and take all the girls in, but Maggie is filled with fury and promises that they'll be back.

The rape scenes are tough, but I love that these awesome ladies get through it by sticking together. I love that they shed their abusive dudes to form their own gang. Lace is both tough and a huge baby, it sucks that she was so attached to Dom that she couldn't see what an asshole he was. I highly recommend this movie.

The VHS version that I have was released by Quentin Tarantino's production company and includes him discussing his favorite parts of the movie. I'm glad that he made the movie available again but I always fast forward through him talking about the movie because I can't stand it.

Star Time

Watched June 17, 2013

1992
Starring: Michael St. Gerard, John P. Ryan, Maureen Teefy.

Rough stuff. The back of the box reveals the twist ending, which sucks because it's the only thing this movie has going for it. At the same time, if I hadn't read the synopsis I would have had even less of a clue to what's supposed to be happening in this movie. It's a terrible art house drama that is slow and difficult to watch, IMDB says it's a horror movie, but I think it barely fits in that genre.

We meet Henry (Michael St. Gerard) as he's walking onto the roof of a building where he plans on jumping off to commit suicide. While on the building, a strange older man, Sam Bones (John P. Ryan) shows up and talks him down off the ledge. Sam Bones becomes a mentor to Henry. I guess Henry became suicidal when his favorite TV show was cancelled; it was a Leave It To Beaver style black and white family show. Sam convinces Henry that now it's his time to shine and become a TV star. From Sam's viewpoint, the best way to get on TV is to become a serial killer. Henry obviously has a lot of problems, we see flashbacks of his meetings with his social worker, Wendy (Maureen Teefy). These sessions don't seem to help Henry much, he gives in to Sam Bones pressure to kill people pretty easily. 

Henry puts on a crazy baby face mask, grabs an ax and starts his killing spree. He kills a bunch of people and does make it on TV. I don't think that it helps him with his problems at all. He continues to see Wendy but I don't think she really is helping him work through his problems either. She also doesn't put it together that he's the serial killer that's been on the news. There are all these strange flashes on multiple TV screens with naked ladies telling Henry that they'll be his once he kills. The best part of the movie for me, were the fake commercials, including one for donuts that come in a handy single serving box.

SPOILER: It wraps up with Henry trying to help Wendy escape from Sam Bones, only to figure out that Sam Bones is a figment of Henry's imagination. Henry is pushed off the roof of Wendy's apartment building but is still somewhat alive at the end. The ambulance arrives as Wendy, a witness, runs away. The last scene is Henry in a gurney by the ambulance but everyone is gone? As the credits roll, a crazy free jazz song about star time plays.

There is a lot of nonsensical dialogue between Henry and Sam, maybe that's supposed to be a tip off that Sam Bones is just a figment of Henry's imagination. This movie does contain a fair amount of naked ladies show on the TV screens that entice Henry to kill, but it's mostly just creepy. Henry does kill a lot of people, but they're all strangers and you don't see much of the murders.  His social worker is completely inept, but she is played by the director's wife, so it was a labor of love. This crazy movie was nominated for the 1992 Sundance Film Festival Grand Jury Prize, what!? 

Blood Moon aka Wolf Girl

Watched January 26, 2013

2001 (TV movie)

Starring: Victoria Sanchez, Tim Curry, Grace Jones and Leslie Ann Warren

As I was looking this movie up on IMDB, I found out the super nerdy kid in this played by Dov Tiefenbach has a role in The FP. He plays the chump that JTRO battles while on meth to get his street cred back. Man, I love the FP. This movie is not The FP.

I had expectations for some horror and gore going into this, which I think is the wrong way to approach this movie. It's a drama that just happens to have some quirky aspects to it. The main girl isn't a werewolf she just has a condition where she has a lot of hair all over her body (Hypertrichosis). The VHS has an awesome lenticular cover that is also a ruse, because it shows a werewolf baring its fangs aggressively, a scene that doesn't happen in the move. There are some surprising elements that reveal that this movie wasn't rated R for the horror aspects.

The time period on this movie was a mystery to me, it appears to be present day until the Sideshow comes to town on horse-drawn carriages. Tara (Victoria Sanchez) is one of the stars of the show as the wolf girl. She does have excessive hair all over her body so it seems like a natural fit. A gang of teenage jerks are hanging out in the woods when the tents begin to be set up, they see her and decide that they'll try to either hit her with a slingshot or kill her, I'm not sure. Cryin' Ryan (Dov Tiefenback) is another teen who is regularly bullied by the roving teen gang. He meets Tara and takes her to his basement where his scientist mom tests on animals. He tells her that they are developing a new back hair removal treatment if she would like to try it. She's game because she has a hard time dealing with being a freak. It takes a while to work but as it does it gives her a thirst for blood and fills her with rage. Tim Curry is the ringmaster of the sideshow and is upset by her now erratic behavior. She doesn't tell anyone that she's trying to get rid of her body hair. The teen gang is lead by Beau (Shawn Ashmore) who during one of the wolf girl shows throws dog poop on Tara. They continue to terrorize her for no good reason. Later on Tara is walking by Beau's house and he has just gotten out of the shower. He is flexing in the mirror with a towel on, the towel drops to reveal his very tiny penis. 

After that we see a sideshow routine of Grace Jones as the half man half woman. As she sings, behind her two women are stripping but at the end their dicks are revealed and they're transvestites! A whole lot more dicks were revealed in this movie considering I expected none.

It ends with Tara going nuts, killing Beau and leaving him dead with his pants down revealing his genitals. She also bites the tongue off of the girl gang member. Now hairless, Tara is left behind as the sideshow leaves for the next stop.  She is last seen looking into a pool of water then disappearing.

Not a horror movie, more a drama with some life lessons about accepting who you are...maybe. I'm not sure if Beau's tiny dick is why he had to act like such an asshole to everyone.  There is a shower scene where you see Tara's hair covered naked body. This was a strange one for sure, don't expect any werewolves though.

Foxes

Watched January 20, 2013

1980
Starring: Jodie Foster, Cherie Currie, Marilyn Kagan, Kandice Stroh, Scott Baio, and Randy Quaid.

I really love teen and coming of age movies so I had seen this at some point but didn't recall anything memorable about it. When the siren song of $1 VHS calls, you pick up a copy. 

 The focus of the film is four teenage girls who supposedly have a lot of crazy things to deal with. Jeanie (Jodie Foster) has to deal with her divorced mother (Sally Kellerman) dating all sorts of losers. Annie (Cherie Currie) is the total mess of the group, her dad's an intense cop and she really likes to drink and take all sorts of drugs. Madge (Marilyn Kagan) is a slightly chubby virgin, but she just wants to meet a nice guy.  Deirdre (Kandice Stroh) likes to date a lot of guys, I guess.

This movie is so slow. It seems like the smog in LA in the late 1970's permeated into the interior of homes. The whole look of the film is constantly hazy and harvest gold colored.

Annie is constantly running away from her parents because they want to send her to an institution, she does seem to have a pretty serious alcohol/pill problem. Jeanie is the mother hen trying to keep everyone together. Most of the movie shows the girls trying to have fun then Annie totally messing it up then running away. The girls then have to find Annie, most likely in the arms of some older asshole.

I guess it's supposed to be shocking that these girls have sex, drink and go to parties but it really doesn't seem like that big of deal to me. Madge's mom is super cool and let's her throw a party at their family's home, she even buys a keg for the party. Madge comes in and says that all her friends drink hard liquor so getting a keg was stupid. She then tells her mom she's virgin and runs crying to her room, canceling the party for no apparent reason.  Later on Madge meets older man Randy Quaid who she loses her virginity to.

Randy Quaid goes out of town and let's Madge stay at his swinging bachelor pad. The girls throw a fancy dinner party, because that's the type of party most 16 year olds love to throw. Their younger friend Scott Baio is there, he's always trying to make it with Annie, it's pretty cute. Their party is crashed by a ton of people including a very young Laura Dern looking adorable in huge glasses.  It gets out of control and a bunch of dudes seriously trash the place. The girls make no attempt to clean up and Randy Quaid comes home to Madge sitting in the rubble. They get in a fight and she tells him they'll all get jobs to pay for the mess.

Meanwhile, after the party, all the girls were at the police station and Annie's dad came to get her. Her family sent her to an institution after all. She manages to escape, but ends up totally pilled up in some dude's car. Jeanie and the girls go get her at a drive-in. Jeanie and Scott Baio take her out to the woods to walk off her drugs. The cops find them and Annie runs off. She hitchhikes on the freeway and a drunk swinging couple pick her up. Then the driver smashes into a parked semi-truck. Good riddance Annie! She was ruining all her friend's lives. It then cuts from her death to Madge and Randy Quaid getting married! 

This movie is a mess, the only reason that it's still on the radar is that it's filled with star power.  The girls never really seem to be having fun and for the most part they get to do whatever they want.  I feel like maybe it was a lot longer and they had to cut a short version and had to cut out most of the plot. I was glad when Annie died, because you never see her being a good or fun friend.

Not worth watching, it's so painfully slow with all these random scenes that don't move the story along. The fashion and haircuts are pretty fun though.