Critters 4

Watched January 27, 2023

 

1991

Director: Rupert Harvey

Starring: Brad Dourif, Angela Bassett, Don Keith Opper, Terrence Mann

Somewhere in Kansas: A space bounty hunter,  Charlie (Don Keith Opper) has found two Krite eggs. He's about to destroy them when he gets a holo-message that he can't destroy them because they're the last two of their species. A space tube is sent, Charlie puts the eggs in the tube, but he gets stuck and frozen in the tube and sent to space.

Somewhere in space is a crew of salvagers. Al (Brad Dourif), Rick the angry captain (Anders Hove), Bernie (Erik DaRe from Twin Peaks), Fran (Angela Bassett ) and Ethan the intern (Paul Whitthorne) round out the crew. They see the tube, scan it but they don't know what's in it. The Captain is smoking in their ship, wouldn't the oxygen mix be combustible? They decide to pick up the capsule. They are able to decipher a logo from Terra Corp. and send a message to them. Perhaps the original bounty hunter plays the Terra Corp. guy? The company gives them a space station location to drop the capsule off at for payment. They arrive, it's a cube with a propeller. Once onboard they discover the station is empty.

The computer, Angela is only running at 50% so she's a malfunctioning computer. No one is at the facility, it's large including a science lab and pharmacy. Al gets the computer to show him several levels are blocked off, no other people are on board so he wants to leave. The nuclear core of the ship is also unstable. 

Fran takes a shower, the pervy captain hands her a towel while she's still in the shower and she punches him. The Captain gets space madness and goes to open the capsule without anyone knowing. After laser blasting it a couple times it sends a computer warning that Al sees. Al sends Ethan to check it out. Ethan gets stuck in the elevator because of the crazy computer. You have to say the opposite of what you want to get the computer to work for you. Angry captain knocks Ethan out and hangs him by a hook. Captain gets the capsule open and Charlie, now unfrozen, rushes out. Captain pokes around, the eggs have hatched. Two critters attack the Captain, one on the leg the other on his mouth. Charlie gets Ethan down from the hook. The rest of the crew finds the Captain. Ethan and Charlie are chasing/running away from the critters when they discover the lab. Charlie goes into a duct. Ethan follows but then it dumps them in the trash compactor. The computer is doing to jettison them into space but they the find another duct and escape.

They find Bernie and get cleaned up. They all meet in the astroturf lounge room. Charlie discovers he's been in the tube for 50 years and everyone he knows is dead. Charlie explains the critters.

They also unlock a video from the lab, showing that they were doing experiments to make critters clear out life forms on planets they wanted to colonize?

They find a key card. Leo goes to the pharmacy grabs tons of pills but then is critter attacked. The team gets back to their docked spaceship. Al loads Charlie's old gun with six bullets. Charlie shoots at the two critters, killing one but damaging the ship in the process. The critters have laid more eggs. Fran  smashes some. The Terra Corp. guys and stormtroopers arrive. Charlies recognizes the head guy who just wants the eggs. They've hatched! Ethan outruns the stormtroopers by using the computers reverse psychology to close doors. Ethan finds the eggs, juggles them, and threatens to smash them. Ethan shows Fran that he has the gun. Ethan tosses the last egg, the bad guy tries to grab it but Fran punches him with the gun. Al was already shot, Ethan is sad and Al was his surrogate dad. Charlie, Fran and Ethan get in the Terra Corp. ship. The Terra Corp. guy tries to attack Ethan but is eaten by a critter and then frozen and smashes to pieces. The station starts nuclear meltdown/self destruct mode. Fran, Charlie and Ethan get away. The space station blows up with all the critters. Charlies bushes a button after being told not to and the ship goes crazy.

 I had incredibly low expectations for this movie so it was pretty fun. Little bit of humor, but everyone is taking the story seriously. Fran doesn't die, so that's something. I liked it. The music is all over the place with weird western riffs and space music. Creature effects by the Chiodo Bros!

Amanda and the Alien

Watched September 4, 2017

1995
Starring: Nicole Eggert, Stacy Keach, Michael Dorn

Oakland Military Facility
Two aliens are captured and the military and FBI are trying to figure out how to kill them. In their holding cell, the aliens look like a human man and woman. The woman turns into a leathery blob,  slides under the door and consumes one of the guards. Consume to the alien means that they both eat and take over the body. So the alien is now in a male guard body. The male guard/alien goes to get a sandwich in the lunchroom, that's where it runs into Connie (Alex Meneses). The alien consumes Connie, takes the body and her car and leaves the facility for San Francisco.

Amanda (Nicole Eggert) is a young college student. She lives at home but her parents are gone all the time, so it's almost like she lives alone. She works at a clothing store called the Fashion Mill. Amanda works with two girls who seem to be her friends but she also doesn't seem to like them at all. While they work they all talk about their weekend plans, including poetry slams and raves. Amanda is supposed to hear from her on/off boyfriend Charlie (Michael Bendetti). Amanda is an aspiring artist. Charlie calls to say he's hanging out with his cousin this weekend, that's why he can't do something with Amanda. It's pretty sketchy because Charlie is seen kissing this cousin. Amanda funnels her rage into some terrible art.

Amanda heads to her local beatnik coffee shop. There are a lot of close up shots of lattes, cappuccinos and other coffee drinks being made, along with making sandwiches. Amanda is sketching a woman in the shop, it happen to be Connie the alien's current body. Somehow Amanda knows that this woman is the alien, it doesn't make any sense how.  But Amanda approaches this lady and lets her know that she can help her hide. It's been on the news that the cops are looking for a mysterious person. There is a weird show of the hot coffee cup ripping the skin off Connie's alien hands. Amanda takes the alien Connie home with her. Somehow it's still daytime, this is the longest day.

Amanda helps the alien Connie take a shower, which leads to the alien masturbating when Amanda tells her to wash her private parts. After the shower, Amanda makes the alien a peanut butter, tomato and pickle sandwich. This is where the alien explains that it consumes only live things, like people. That is why it came to Earth in the first place, to see if they could farm it for food. In the kitchen, the alien lady discovers paprika, which causes her to orgasm. The alien lady needs to eat someone, since it's been in this lady body for awhile and it's are getting hungry. First Amanda suggests going to club to meet some dudes, but then Charlie calls because he left some CDs at Amanda's house. Amanda arranges for Charlie to come pick up the CD while the lady alien is there, so the lady alien can consume him.

Amanda heads back to the coffee shop while the lady alien waits for Charlie. Charlie comes over, immediately hits on lady alien, they have sex and afterward she consumes him. During this sex/coffee shop scene, they keep cutting back and forth and they use the milk steamer as a visual for the sex that Charlie and the lady alien are having.

Amanda goes back to the house to find the alien in Charlie's body, and she is very attracted to the body. Amanda takes Charlie to the coffee shop and they meet some of Amanda's friends, who just think it's Charlie. Then Amanda takes Charlie to make-out point, then back home where they have sex. But the cops are on their trail, since the alien is basically killing people, even though they mostly just disappear. The alien has to get to the Hollywood sign to be taken home, but they are currently in San Francisco. They drive to Bakersfield to spend the night. Amanda and Charlie/alien stop at a weird theme hotel and have some paprika sex.

The cops/FBI find Amanda and Charlie/alien at the hotel but Amanda pretends to be the alien while the Charlie body hides in the closet. They take Amanda into custody and lock her in a van, then the alien takes over the Liutentent Vint (Michael Dorn) body. Amanda is in the truck that Vint is driving, they ditch the other cop and head towards LA. Amanda and Vint/alien end up at a truck stop and need to ditch the van. Amanda uses her charm to get a trucker to give them a ride to LA. In the morning they are dropped off near the sign. Emmitt Mallory (Stacy Keach) follows them and once they are dropped off the SWAT team surrounds them. Vint is shot by Emmitt, but the alien is able to consume Emmitt before he dies. The trucker comes back and saves Amanda and Emmitt/alien from the SWAT team and drops them off much closer to the Hollywood sign.

Emmitt turns back into an alien blob, but not before it mind melds with Amanda and gives her an unnamed gift.  Amanda heads back home, she goes on a crazy talk show about peoples with experiences with aliens. She is still working at the Fashion Mill, but she has to get more questioning by the FBI. Her paintings get a little better, perhaps that's her gift from the alien.

I love the '90s vibe that the movie starts with, there is some great fashion or just talking about raves and poetry slams is pretty great. Amanda has some great fashion montages too. That's where my interest ends. The characters aren't every interesting, so there journey is hard to get invested in. The sex is gross. It should have gone either stronger with the horror alien aspect or just gone into porn territory, but it just falls into a bland middle ground.

Critters

Watched November 10, 2015

1986
Starring: Dee Wallace, M. Emmet Walsh, Scott Grimes, Nadine Van der Velde

Outer Space
A bunch of Krites escape a prison asteroid on a stolen space ship. The alien warden of the jail hires two faceless bounty hunters to capture them, as the Krites are very dangerous. It is determined that Earth is the only habitable planet around so the Krites must be headed there.

Grover's Bend, Kansas
The Brown family live on a small farm. The teen sister, April (Nadine Van de Velde) is into making out with her latest boyfriend Steve (Billy Zane) and teasing her younger brother Brad (Scott Grimes). Brad likes making explosives. Later that afternoon, hanging out with the local drunken weirdo, Brad gets in trouble for using a slingshot to hit a rock at April, even though it was a accident. Because of this he doesn't get dinner and is confined to his room. April bring Steve over for dinner, then they go make out in the barn. 

The critters do crash land on Earth and are looking for something to eat. They first mutilate a cow, that Brad and his dad, Jay (Billy Green Bush) find. Back at the house, they hear something moving around in the cellar. Jay goes to check it out and it attacked by some of the Critters. The Critter can shoot paralyzing spikes, which is really cool. Since they are pretty small, this is a great attack for them to take down larger prey. The Critters already attacked some local cops in town and they torn up the phone lines so the Brown family are stranded on their farm.

April and Steve are attacked in the barn by a critter, Steve is killed but April is saved by Brad. The space bounty hunters show up, one of them has taken the face of Johnny Steele, a famous rock singer. The other bounty hunter doesn't pick a permanent face, instead keeps taking faces of random people they run into. Once the bounty hunter lands, they find the cop the critters killed and take his car. They don't know how to drive so they run into the church. When they don't get any information about the critters, they shoot up the place. They go to the bowling alley but don't get a lot of information and shoot it up too.

Once the bounty hunters get to the farm house they start blasting critters until only a couple are left. One of the Critters grew to be very large and takes April back to its space ship. I'm assuming at some point they found time to fix the ship. Brad manages to get April out of the ship and leaves an explosive, but he can't light it in time. The town drunk makes a molotov cocktail and throws it in to the Critters space ship as it is taking off. As the Critters are flying away they blow up the Brown's home with laser blasts. But not too long after the molotov cocktail explodes and the Critters are blow up.

The bounty hunters give Brad a special medallion thing when they leave the planet. Brad touches the medallion, it glows and the Brown's house comes back together as if it was never blow up in the first place. You think the critters are gone but they left a couple eggs in the Brown barn to set up Critters 2.

I'm sure it's all about perspective when you watch a lot of bad movie and moderately fine movie will seem like the best movie ever. I really liked Critters, it was super fun. It had some excellent humor element and the Critters were both cute and a little scary. They also did funny things like push the kid's bike over randomly. This is a great combination of light horror and comedy. There are a lot of sequels that I'm not totally sure I'm ready for, but this is a fun one on its own.

The Hidden

Watched July 6, 2015

1987
Starring: Kyle MacLachlan, Michael Nouri, Claudia Christian

It begins with a crazy dude robbing a bank and shooting a bunch of hostages. He then steals a Lamborghini and leads the cops on the crazy chase that ends in a death defying shoot out and crash. The robber is super burned during the car crash but somehow is still alive and taken to the hospital. At the hospital, just before he dies he transfers his internal alien parasite into the man in the bed beside him. The parasite's new body has a heart condition and gastrointestinal distress, but the parasite manages to revive him and get itself out of the hospital.

Lloyd Gallagher (Kyle MacLachlan) shows up as an FBI agent from Seattle to work with Tom Beck (Michael Nouri) the local detective on the case for all the people that the first guy murdered. Lloyd knows to chase the second guy from the hospital because he has some clue to how the parasite works, but he doesn't say that. He doesn't even reveal to Tom that he knows it's an alien parasite.

The parasite guy steals money from a record store, kills the clerk and takes a boom box. He then steals a red Ferrari. The cops track him down to a strip club but he has already transferred the parasite to a stripper, Brenda (Claudia Christian.)  She wears this dress that just looks like a strapless red mini in the front, but the back is all straps with a huge dip that shows off her butt cleavage, it's nuts. Now infected, she fucks some random dude to death and steals his car. The cops chase her but she has a bunch of weapons from when the parasite was in its second body. Lloyd and Tom chase her from a car, but she runs out onto a roof top. She is shot a ton of times and Lloyd pulls out a crazy specialized weapon, but she jumps of the building before he can use it. She transfers the parasite to a dog before she dies.

The parasite goes from the dog to the owner who happens to work at the police station. At the police station, the parasite infected guy goes nuts and shoot up the place. Lloyd was acting so weird that Tom arrested him, but Tom now believes the alien parasite is real and get Lloyd out of jail. At the jail, the current parasite guy keeps shooting everything. Tom and Lloyd manage to shoot him, but the parasite jumps into another body first. 

It all comes down to showdown where the parasite manages to get into a Senator that is about to announce his candidacy for president. Lloyd and Tom manage to get to the hotel where the press conference is and they shoot the bad guy but Tom is shot in the process. They Senator is dying and thecops are going to arrest Lloyd for shooting him. Lloyd using a flame thrower to light the Senator on fire which draws out the parasite and allows Lloyd to use his special weapon to kill it. The Weirdest part is the very end. Tom is dying in the hospital, he has a wife and young daughter. It turns out that Lloyd was such a good parasite hunter, because he's an alien too. But a good alien who has been tracking the party parasite who just wants to create havoc on Earth for some time. Tom is going to die, so Lloyd transfer his alien into Tom's body, so that Tom's wife and daughter will still have a dad, even though it's an alien dad.

This movie is great! The parasite is so gross and like a teenager, into slutty chicks, fast cars and loud music. I can't believe that I hadn't heard of this movie before, I highly recommend it.

The Visitor

Watched August 11, 2013

1979
Starring: Joanne Nail, John Huston, Lance Hendrikson, Paige Conner

A man is walking in a strange, other worldly place, it appears to be a barren desert but the sky is a psychedelic mix of colors like a lava lamp. He sees a figure in the distance, as he gets closer the figure reveals the face of a young girl. 

Next we see a strange yellow haired man talking to a group of bald kids. He is telling them a story about an alien battle. Jerzy (John Huston) approaches the group and tells the yellow haired man that there is another special child that had been born. He will do is best to find the child and get her to their side.

At a basketball game we meet Barbara Collins (Joanne Nail) and her boyfriend Raymond (Lance Hendrikson) who happens to own the team. At the last second of the game when a player is about to dunk the ball, the ball explodes. Barbara's daughter Katy (Paige Conner) had been wandering around the stadium and seems to be the cause of the basketball explosion.

Raymond is a successful businessman and he goes to a meeting with a group of powerful men. They want to know how Raymond is doing in securing Barbara. The group wants Katy's powers and since she is a child they first have to gain the trust of the mother.

It is Katy's birthday and a group of parents are there to celebrate. She gets a strange gift that she opens where no one can see. Inside is a gun, Katy throws the box down but the gun is thrown out and it fires, hitting Barbara in the spine. Barbara is now paralyzed from the waist down and needs to use a wheelchair. No one saw what happened with the gun, but it seems that Katy may have made the gun go off so that her mother would have to spend more time at home with her.

Now that Barbara is in a wheelchair she hires Jane (Shelley Winters) to be the housekeeper. Jane also knows about Katy's powers and the fight that is going on over who can control her. Raymond takes Barbara to a fancy dinner and says something inappropriate so that Barbara breaks off their relationship. Jerzy shows up and says that he is coming from the babysitting service, he spends some time with Katy to assess her powers and if she has chosen the side of good or evil.

The group of men who were controlling Raymond wanted him to impregnate Barbara so that they could have another child with powers. But when he blew it they took it under their own hands, one night while driving with Katy, Barbara's car stalled out. Then a strange truck showed up and some men grabbed her and impregnated her. Katy seemed to want a little brother so she didn't do anything about it. Barbara knows she is pregnant so she goes to her ex husband who happens to be a doctor. 

Barbara comes back to her house and is attacked by Katy's bird. Katy then shows up and pushes Barbara through a fish tank. Raymond arrives and puts a noose around Barbara's neck and puts her on the staircase elevator and is about to slowly choke her to death. Then a ton of birds arrive and attack Raymond. They kill him and destroy the house. It's not seen who survives.

Back at the yellow haired man's cult we see Jerzy bring a new child in and it's Katy with a shaved head. I think we are meant to assume that she is now on the side of good but it's unknown. It guess Barbara died in the bird attack.

I was definitely confused for a lot of the movie, especially relating to who was on what side and what it had to do with aliens. I'm not sure if Katy was an alien or not. I really like Joanne Nail since she was in Switchblade Sisters so it was great to see her but terrible to see her constantly beat up. Katy was not too annoying even though her allegiance seemed like it could have gone either way. Lance Hendrikson's character Raymond is stabbed by the most fake looking bird I've seen in awhile, which is strange because they used real birds for the rest of the movie. Katy wears some of the strangest hairstyles I've seen on a kids, lots of weird braids and pigtails. Overall I would say it was confusing but enjoyable.

Alien Intruder

Watched July 21, 2014

1993
Starring: Maxwell Caulfield, Billy Dee Williams, Tracy Scoggins.

The action kicks off right away with a laser gun fight on a space ship. Every man is for himself as there doesn't seem to be a right or wrong side. The main guy destroys the controls of the ship, then a mysterious raven haired woman appears which prompts the guy to commit suicide.

Jump to a maximum security prison, where Nick (Maxwell Caulfield) is incarcerated. Commander Skyler (Billy Dee Williams) is assembling a crew of promising inmates to be the crew on a mission to recover the ship from the first scene. He doesn't tell them this, instead he just tells them if the mission goes well they'll be rewarded with their freedom. Before they head out they all choose a virtual reality story to experience during their off time, by story I mean sexy lady.

They are headed for the mysterious sector G, Commander Skyler doesn't give them much information, he just wants them to keep the ship headed there. It doesn't matter much because they spent most of their time in their virtual reality scenarios.  Nick's fantasy involves him working out on an empty beach, once he goes to the beach house a naked lady waits for him, but he is distracted from that naked lady by a raven haired dream intruder, but she's super hot. Another member of the crew in in a Casablanca type black and white fantasy, where he is running a club, the singer of his club is the same raven haired lady, except she is in a terrible blond wig. The third crew member's VR fantasy is that he is a 1950s biker and he runs into the same lady at a gas station. The last fantasy is in the 1880s wild west, his woman is shot by the raven haired lady, she must be some sort of Alien intruder. Commander Skyler sees the woman, who he calls Ariel in his computer screen, and she is the force that is guiding him to sector G.

Pieces of their fantasies begin to appear during their waking lives. The Casablanca fantasy guy hears the song that the woman was singing as his dream club in the ship and freaks out. They make into sector G and find the ship that the first action scene took place on. I'm not sure if they're there to recover anything as they discover that everyone is dead. Ariel appears and pits all the men against each other, recreating the same scene from the beginning. But Nick is stronger than that, he doesn't want to bend to her will. After escaping in a little ship, he thinks he safe, but Ariel is there with him as the Alien Intruder.

This movie barely makes sense but it was still a lot of fun. It kicks of with a laser gun fight right away which is great. All the VR fantasy scenes are pretty silly but enjoyable. It's amazing how entertained I was without much information about why they were heading to sector G or why sector G was dangerous in the first place. I also don't know what the alien Ariel wants, is it just to kill everybody through seduction? There is plenty of T&A in this movie and it easily could have drifted into erotica territory but they keep it movie with the real laser action.

Nukie

Watched September 29, 2013

1988
Starring: Glynis Johns, Steve Railsback, Siphiwe Mlangeni, Sipho Mlangeni

I knew this movie was going to be terrible. 

The success of E.T. spawned many copycat movies like Mac and Me. I have to say that aliens usually aren't very cute and E.T. was an exception not the rule. PG rated family movies that are bad tend to be really bad, so I knew before I started the movie it was going to be rough. I was right in my prediction that this is another strange E.T. rip off featuring weird wrinkly aliens.

Nukie and his sibling Miko are travelling through the galaxy as beams of light. As they are zooming around Earth when something happens to their flight abilities and they are separated and fall to Earth. Nukie lands in Africa and Miko lands in the US.

Miko is captured by some scientists who probe the crap out of him/her. Nukie and Miko can still communicate telepathically so Nukie knows that Miko is in America but doesn't know where that is. Twin boys, Tiko and Tokie (Siphiwe and Sipho Mlangeni) find Nukie in the desert and bring him back to their village. Sister Anne (Glynis Johns) is the local missionary of their village, and she's got some weird agenda of her own. Nukie meets a monkey that tends the general store and that monkey loves candy. To get the attention of the villagers Nukie causes an earthquake that destroys many of their pots of water. Nukie is a jerk. Because of the earthquake the villagers decide they have to sacrifice one of the twins, they send them both into the desert with no help. One of the twins is bit by a snake but Nukie shows up and helps him. Nukie brings both twins back to the village. This turns the village so they decide to help Nukie find his brother.

Meanwhile at the lab, Miko is getting sick from all the tests that are being performed on him. The computer, E.D.D.I.  takes pity on Miko and they become friends. There is one researcher, Pamela who is let on that they should be nice to Miko and help him find his brother.

 Nukie and the twins hop in a cart that is half a car and drawn by two donkeys and head to America. They ride for an extremely long time, I guess they don't know that you can't get to America from Africa by land. Luckily Miko was able to pinpoint where Nukie really was and with help from Pamela gets in a helicopter and heads to Africa to meet Nukie. The gross alien siblings meet up and fly away together. They end up taking the candy loving monkey with them. What a mess!

The computer E.D.D.I. has a great freak out moment where it flashes No! on many of its screens a lot. This movie is so strange. Nukie is a very gross character that has snot oozing out his nose for much of the movie. I chose to illustrate the only redeeming part which were the cute donkeys that pulled the crazy car cart. 

Killer Klowns from Outer Space

Watched October 1, 2012

1988
Starring Grant Cramer,  Suzanne Snyder,  John Allen Nelson and John Vernon.

This was my first time watching this movie, which I know is a bit of a shocker since it's such a cult classic. I'm not actually afraid of clowns, but I'm not really into them either.  Even though I've looked at the cover of the VHS a million times over the years I never picked it up. 

It begins at make out point, where we meet Debbie (Suzanne Snyder) and Mike (Grant Cramer) who are drinking wine and laying in a blow up raft. They see a shooting star land that appears to have landed close to them so they naturally go check it out. Instead of a flaming meteorite, they find a giant circus tent where the meteor landed. They walk inside the tent and check it out and it's a fun house circus of sorts but they don't see any clowns. They find a room full of cotton candy and it all seems harmless until they rip open a cotton candy sack to find a dead human. The clowns show up and Debbie and Mike just barely make it out of the circus tent alive.

Debbie and Mike head to the police department to get Dave (John Allen Nelson), an officer and Debbie's former boyfriend. Dave reluctantly decides to check out the crazy story that Debbie and Mike tell him about killer clowns, but they have to dump Debbie back at home first. Since she's a girl she can't go check out supposed killer clown happenings.

While Mike and Dave are back trying to find the circus tent, the clowns descend on the town. They use all sorts of goofy ways to lure people to their death. They show up with pizza at the door and then kill a lingerie clad lady.  One of the best kills are a clown that confronts a bunch of bikers and then punches head right off of a biker dude. Another is a clown that is making shadow puppets for a group of people at a bus stop and he create a shadow dinosaur that actually swallows all the people. There is also a great almost miss where a clown is hanging outside of a Chuck-E-Cheese type establishment trying to lure a little girl. The girl is sitting by two very terrible moms who obviously hate being parents, we think they are so distracted they don't see the little girl walking outside, but at the last minute her mom catches her, and saves her from certain death.

Mike shows Dave where they first saw the tent, but the tent has disappeared so Dave doesn't believe the story. They go back to make-out point and all the cars are still there but no one is around. Dave checks in a car and finds a cotton candy residue.  Dave now believes that something crazy is happening. Dave heads back to the sheriff department where his crotchety old partner has been killed by a clown. Through happenstance Dave figures out the only way to kill the clowns is to shoot them in the nose.

 Debbie is still at her house taking a shower for a good portion of the movie. Once she gets out of the shower, popcorn that the clowns had shot at her turns into snake clowns that try to eat her. A bunch of clowns have descended on her house and capture her in a balloon instead of immediately killing her.  Luckily Mike and Dave and two ice cream truck idiots see this happen and try to chase her down. It turns out that the clowns had relocated their tent to the amusement park which is where they take Debbie.

The showdown occurs in the circus tent, where they find the balloon that Debbie is trapped in. The ice cream truck idiots find two clown ladies to make out with. Mike and Dave try to fight the clowns but then the mega monster clown shows up while the circus tent is trying to take off.  Mike and Debbie make it out alive, but it seems like Dave is trapped trying to fight the clown monster. The circus tent space ship explodes and it seems like Dave didn't make it, but he pops out at the last minute. It ends with pies being thrown in our heroes faces.

I enjoyed this movie, it's fun and silly. None of the kills are very scary but for all the goofy clown business all the actors took their roles seriously. The clown costumes and make up are awesome, I think it still stands up 25 years later.  The comic relief of the idiot ice cream truck dudes is pretty terrible and I'm someone that loves bad puns, but they aren't in the movie too much so it's alright.

Breeders

Watched September 4, 2012

1997
Starring: Todd Jensen, Samantha Womack, Oliver Tobias and Kadamba Simmons.

I think the best thing about this movie is the VHS copy we watched came in an awesome box where the cover was molded plastic that made it seem like the alien monster was popping out of the box. I didn't really like this movie, even on a campy level. Breeders take place in Boston, or so you're lead to believe. Every sign says Boston something; Boston college, Boston oil refinery, Boston monster haven.

It begins with the worst CGI space title sequence, I know it was 1997 but it was just terrible. It moves from space to a meteorite crashing down on a fictional Boston college. Luckily the rest of the movie doesn't employ much CGI, the alien monster is actually very well made. The meteorite breaks into a bunch of pieces that everyone picks up and make into necklaces. We meet the art history professor Ashley (Todd Jenson) who is apparently super dreamy and his entire class is composed of ladies who want to get with him.  One of his students Louise (Samatha Womack) manages to get in his pants. 

 Meanwhile we discover that the meteorite contained both an alien monster and a sexy space girl (Kadamba Simmons). Ashley sees the space girl and says "You look like one of the new students." The space girl tries to explain her odd connection to the alien monster, but can't seem to get the words out.  Everyone who made a meteorite necklace becomes connected to the alien. This includes Louise, but Ashley finds her covered in a goo shell and pulls off the necklace before she is totally controlled by the alien. The Boston police go underground to fight the mysterious alien, they don't really know what they're after at this point. The alien destroys all of the police in a kind of funny and sneaky way. The alien looks like a precursor to the terrible Godzilla from the 1999 American version.  A bunch of the female students are drawn down into the tunnels because of their necklaces. They find a girl covered in goo, they eat the goo and then vomit it up on the frozen girl. Ashley and Louise both make it down to the tunnels where they find the space girl. The space girl finally explains what is going on with the alien monster. The space girl is a human who was captured by the alien awhile ago and now she is the alien's egg holder. The alien needs a new egg holder and he's looking at Louise.  The tunnels from the school happen to lead to the local oil refinery. They fight the monster and throw him into a pit of oil where he explodes. Everyone else escapes safely.

So all the Boston signs made me think that this movie wasn't made anywhere near Massachusetts. Everyone had pretty good American accents but there were subtle slips into something else. It turns out it was filmed in the UK. I don't know why they decided to set it in the US, it doesn't add anything.  Ashley was always wearing a million layers while Louise was in a mini skirt, it confused me to what the weather was actually supposed to be. I don't recommend this movie, it was barely okay.