Ghosts Can't Do It

Watched June 16, 2017

1989
Starring: Bo Derek, Anthony Quinn, Don Murray

In snowy Wyoming, we meet Kate (Bo Derek) and Scott (Anthony Quinn) who are an extreme May/Dec marriage. He has a heart attack, recovers, but he can't have sex with her or do any other strenuous activities. He is too old to be a candidate for a heart transplant because he's over 60. This is so distressing for Scott that he kills himself. Somehow he manages to become a ghost who won't stop talking to Kate.

The ghost effect is very unsatisfying as it's just cut aways to Anthony Quinn is a weird black background. Scott tells Kate to head to their tropical island house. Since he can't leave her alone, she can't move on. Somehow together they decide if he can get a new body, then he would be able to take it over and come back to life. This is based on nothing except that Kate is upset that ghosts can't do it. It's not explained until close to the end how ghosts can inhabit a body.

Kate has to go to Hong Kong to deal with some of Scott's business. Scott was just a generic business man, it's not explained what type of business he was involved in when alive. On her arrival to Hong Kong, Kate tries to eat noodles on a windy boat ride. Ghost Scott guides Kate at the meeting with famed businessman Donald Trump. At their meeting they make some sort of agreement to meet again the next day that is crucial to the deal going through.

The night before part two of the meeting, Kate has dinner with Winston (Don Murray), an old friend of Kate and Scott's. Winston dances with Kate and hints that he's always been attracted to her, but Kate isn't ready to take on a romance, especially with another old guy. She heads back to the hotel and goes swimming at the hotel pool. Afterward she's in the changing room, taking a shower when some guy forces her at gunpoint to take some pills. They are supposed to make her miss the meeting, which is super important. Kate manages to make it to the meeting and the deal is saved.

Back on the island, Scott keeps pushing Kate to choose Fausto Garibaldi (Leo Damian) for the body, even though Kate doesn't like him personally, but at least Fausto isn't a senior citizen. Two ladies come to the island to see Kate's fabulous black pearls. One happens to be a white witch. At a casual softball game, Kate asks the white witch about possession and she explains how ghost can take over a body at the moment of death. Basically Kate has to kill Fausto, then at the moment of his death Scott can take over Fausto's body.

Fausto comes to Kate's bungalow to put the moves on her, she tries to kill him but can't do it she just knocks him out. Fausto still tries to attack her so the island king is called to make a judgment on what to do with Fausto. Scott is disappointed, so he leaves Kate alone for awhile. He talks to his angel, Julie Newmar, who says the body thing might work or they might both go to hell.

Scott comes back to Kate is ghost form to bug her some more. Kate finds Fausto, he was supposed to be in the island jail for attacking her but instead he's almost dead underwater in the pearl bed. Kate brings him back to life enough to kill him again, kind of. It works! Scott comes back in the body of Fausto. New body Scott and Kate remarry and got back to snowy Wyoming and have a bunch of sex.

This movie is so bad it's just bad, there isn't anything fun in it at all. The age difference between Scott and Kate is so large their relationship makes it seem like he's her dad that won't leave her alone, even though he's dead. Their love connection is never established before Scott kills himself, instead it's repeated that they met when he was 50 so she was a baby or whatever.  The troubling aspect of this awful movie has more to do with the real life relationship between John Derek, the director who met Bo when she was 16 and he was 46, barf. Bo Derek is naked a lot but it's incredible unsexy, and at weird times. At there seems to be no shortage of naked Bo Derek movies, so go see any other one. There is nothing worthwhile here. I was initially interested in seeing this movie as it was an early Razzie winner, but it's terrible.